Today, I visited my local shop to purchase their pack of 4 bacon slices. I truly enjoy having bacon on a Saturday morning, cooked to perfection until crispy, served on toast with a drizzle of brown sauce.
As a man of simple preferences, it’s the perfect remedy for hangovers and my weekly indulgence.
Upon entering the shop, I noticed a large (and I do mean large, with leggings and an ample display of white skin!) woman chatting in a ridiculous accent. Honestly, my dear, you were born and raised in Sydney, so why do you speak as if you hail from “the Hood” in LA? Her words seemed to translate as “Fucks sake, I just want a top up for my mobile phone, you know, do you not understand English?”.
As I grabbed my bacon and stood behind her in line, she persisted in berating the gentleman at the counter (a polite and helpful Sri Lankan chap I’ve known for years). She turned to me and said, “Fak does he not speak english or wa?”. Normally, I would overlook such comments, but being hungover and irritated on his behalf, I responded, “Actually, he speaks better English than you do, and at least he knows how to address people with respect.”
In retaliation, the baggage tossed her packet of potato chips and can of Red Bull (possibly her breakfast?) onto the floor, directed a “Fuck you” at me, and stormed out of the shop. But here’s the delightful twist: as she left, her face turned toward me in anger, and she walked straight into the side of the open door, bonking her head against it. Moments like that make you feel as though the cosmic puzzle of life briefly clicks into place.
I dare say that laughing until it hurts isn’t a sin.
Additionally, I ended up getting my bacon for free, which was a nice bonus.
Wishing a good day to everyone.
by Jim Aborwhear
