Dear Woosy – Why can’t we have quick, rubbish sex?

Dear Woosy,

When my husband and I were first married we were so young and inexperienced that our hoggins was short and perfunctory.  Over the years we have been together he has developed into a skilled and attentive lover.  Now, all I seem to be doing during my spare time is having multiple orgasms during regular sessions of tantric hochmagandy that involve a bewildering variety of positions. Why can’t we have quick and rubbish sex like we did when we first married?

Woosy says – Many wives think that not having sex with their husbands is a perfectly natural thing that will develop over time.  However, like all things in marriage, it takes work.  Have you tried being cold and uncommunicative and not talking to him about what turns you on in the bedroom department?  Try destroying the atmosphere early on in the proceedings by “accidentally” letting one rip while he is going about his filthy business in your below stairs area. If he persists, try yawning or looking at your watch while he is see-sawing away on top of you interminably, or better still try reading a book – out loud.  If that fails, and he is still grunting away above while pulling a face like a constipated Chinaman, try calling your mother on the phone.  And if that fails try asking the question “are you in yet?”  It always has the desired effect.


Join our mailing list to receive the latest news directly in your email inbox.