In my country, years ago, we boasted some of the finest cricket and hockey players in the world.
Squash was almost guaranteed to bring us gold every four years, but now we find ourselves outperformed by China and other Asian nations who have surpassed us in winning gold medals.
We empathize with our friends in Australia as they face the disappointment of losing gold medals to France in swimming finals.
Frogs, being amphibians, thrive in water, yet it is a longstanding tradition that all elite swimmers emerge from Oz. Like you, we are delving into the reasons behind this peculiar shift. Doping has been excluded from our inquiries.
Similar to Chinese medicine, Indian remedies can offer remarkable speed to our younger athletes… and they often evade detection. In India, we attribute this to our diet. To compete against the USA, we have begun to incorporate more McDonald’s into our meals. Our weight lifters are seeing improvements already. Additionally, the inclusion of pulses like those consumed by African competitors is enhancing the performance of our marathon runners. While they can run faster and longer, they must be vigilant, as wind and restroom breaks can lead to slower times.
What tips can we share with our friends in Australia?
Firstly, reduce your training and indulge in more Karma naps. Alcohol is more beneficial in your vehicle’s fuel tank than it is for enhancing stamina. In our swimming sessions, we find chanting contributes positively, although foul language is strictly prohibited.
“Who’s a filthy rotten scoundrel,” followed by the name of your closest rival, chanted repeatedly, typically aids in securing victory. Naturally, tripping your opponent may also provide an edge.
Resorting to steroids isn’t advisable for boosting strength, as they can lead to family-related issues. Viagra is recognized to enhance leg strength, but its effect is short-lived and needs to be reapplied, usually midway through a race, especially in long-distance events.
Swimming with dolphins is recommended, while swimming with sharks should be avoided. By following this guidance from your Indian friends, I’m confident that you’ll return to winning all the medals at the next Olympics.
Yakki da, as we say in Mumbai.
by Rahndi Ghit
