Frequently, I am asked why soccer doesn’t have a greater following in Australia.
People also wonder why there aren’t more Australian players in the Champions League finals. The answers to these questions are quite straightforward.
For Australians, sports are synonymous with sportsmanship. If it means having to learn how to cheat and dive in order to engage in a sport, it would mark the end of most games in Australia.
Consider cricketers or rugby players simulating dives when the ball approaches too closely. Imagine Aussie rules players feigning injuries—that’s simply inconceivable.
In the first semi-final of the Champions League, Chelsea faced off against a Spanish team. It’s customary for Chelsea captains to respond to divers and actors in the game.
The Barkalot striker intentionally fell after a tackle. This resulted in a free kick and a yellow card. So it came as no surprise when the Spanish striker lingered in the Chelsea box.
The Chelsea captain, upholding the tradition, gave him a kick on the backside. Following this, the captain handed the armband over to his midfielder to take his place. As expected, right after the game resumed following halftime, Barkalot dove in the box again, resulting in yet another penalty for the Spaniard and another yellow card for Chelsea.
Shortly thereafter, as the diving Spaniard made his way back toward the halfway line, the Chelsea captain executed a two-footed crunching tackle.
The tradition continued, though regrettably, the captain only received a yellow card instead of a red one. The match continued with exaggerated acting skills, desperate one-handed appeals to the referee, more dives, and ultimately concluded. The final tally of yellow cards was six for Chelsea and four against, with the red cards standing at one to nil in favor of Chelsea.
The Blues will now advance to the final.
In the second semi-final, a Spanish team faced off against the Germans.
Real Madrid features the best actor in world soccer, and Ronnie certainly lived up to expectations. His spectacular full-stretch dives and his agonized facial expressions when the referee waves him off are truly remarkable. I wouldn’t be surprised if he wins an Oscar one day.
At one point, a group surrounded the referee, retiring in disbelief while waving their hands. They claimed no one could understand him because no one spoke Russian.
This is accurate, as the referee isn’t Russian.
What the Spaniard purportedly said was, “He called me a dumkoff.” The referee denied that he had said it, though he suspected there might be some truth to it.
The Germans, not understanding the term “dumkoff” since they didn’t speak Russian, were puzzled.
The Madrid manager expressed a preference for playing Munching Glad Bags over Munikes Dynamoes.
At the conclusion of the game, the teams were evenly matched. The number of yellow cards was the same, and the scoring for acting was too close to distinguish.
The dreaded penalty shootout was upon them.
Soccer players earn thousands of dollars…for merely kicking a ball. Surely, these stars competing for a spot in the cup final could manage to kick a ball from 12 yards.
Without the ability to throw themselves to the ground or claim a foul, temperament overtook them…and the prestigious and wealthy missed their golden opportunity for final glory.
The Germans will face off against England on their home turf to vie for the title of best in show.
Keep the Oscars close by.
by Stam Ford-Pont
