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Australia slated by ‘low-life’ British press

By Buford Balony

The British media have proclaimed that a “new Ashes order” has emerged, commenting on the turmoil within Australia‘s team, following England‘s dominant win at Adelaide Oval.

BBC

Feeling optimistic about England’s display, BBC cricket correspondent Jonathan Agnew referred to it as one of “the greatest victories I have seen overseas.”

Nevertheless, a significant portion of Agnew’s article focused on Australia, whom he remarked were in “complete disarray.”

According to Agnew, “Australia’s chairman of selectors, Andrew Hilditch, is under immense pressure.”

He continued: “It appears they lack long-term plans, evidenced by their sparse talent pool, and the Australian media is demanding explanations.”

“This saga will persist.”

Agnew also played down the potential impact of Phil Hughes’s upcoming selection for the third Test and ridiculed the notion that Shane Warne might make a return.

“(Hughes) is a high-risk player at the top of the innings and England won’t be intimidated by him because they have effectively crafted strategies to dismiss him,” he stated.

“Warne is not going to be part of this series. Those advocating for his inclusion need to confront the reality.”

The Guardian

Guardian columnist Vic Marks anticipated a grim outlook for Australia, stating, “any team that concedes 1137 runs while claiming six wickets faces fundamental issues.”

Mike Selvey, on the other hand, chose to highlight England’s performance, which he claimed “bordered on flawless.”

“Undoubtedly, this was the most comprehensive display by an England side that many who witnessed it will remember,” Selvey asserted.

“From the first over to the last, they dominated the match, first in the bowling and fielding department, followed by their batting.”

The Daily Mail

Lawrence Booth highlighted the transitional phase in Ashes cricket, addressing the notion of the “new Ashes order.”

“The tables have turned now, and you won’t find much sympathy from the English,” Booth noted.

“The Adelaide Test – a resilient response to the disappointment four years prior – perfectly showcased the new Ashes order.”

“The gap has stunned even the most optimistic English supporters. Only three Australians – Hussey, Haddin, and Shane Watson – performed adequately.”

“England boasts no players out of form, and they managed to adapt to Stuart Broad’s series-ending injury seamlessly: after all, Chris Tremlett, who is projected to replace him in Perth, would easily fit into this Australian lineup.”

The Daily Telegraph

Steve James expressed astonishment at the rapidity of Australia’s collapse on day five, asserting they “folded like a house of cards.”

“To say Australia has encountered issues is a grave understatement. Simon Katich seems likely to miss the entire series… Doherty, along with North, Harris, and Doug Bollinger, cannot remain. What a disaster.”

He predicted that the tourists would secure a comfortable series victory.

“I wouldn’t consider fielding any of this (England) team against Victoria in Melbourne this week. They deserve a break.

“With England leading 1-0, Australia must win two from three to reclaim the Ashes. Unlikely, isn’t it?”

The Daily Mirror

Former England captain Sir Ian Botham expressed his astonishment regarding the disparity between the two teams.

“I might need to revise my Ashes predictions,” he commented.

“I anticipated England winning by two clear Tests, but if all the batsmen maintain this performance level alongside bowlers who are evidently in form, how on earth are Australia going to stop them?”

Beefy’s characteristic British bravado, which nearly erupted in the Adelaide Oval car park on Monday, was also evident in his column.

“(Australia’s) errors in the field reflect their current team status, and regardless of their efforts, it is not posing a threat to England.”

“However, I’ve maintained that I’m not overly concerned with what the Aussies are facing; that is for them to figure out. At this moment, it’s all about England and their unstoppable momentum.”

Buford Balony says: Let them be overconfident because we will crush them in Perth…I hope.

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