This afternoon was frantic as someone collapsed in the office. In the midst of managing the situation, a rather irritating colleague, one of the many Drongo’s I share this space with, sidled up to me (he stands way too close for comfort) and in his oddly high-pitched whisper, he informed me that the movers had damaged his personal electric heater when we changed floors… He had been using the heater belonging to a colleague who was on vacation, but now that that individual returned, he found himself without a heater.
I politely clarified that I was in the midst of an urgent matter. “Well, you have a duty of care to your staff,” he responded. At that moment, I had my phone in hand calling the ambulance. “Yes,” I replied, “but in this situation, your heater is far less critical than this person needing medical help without further delay.
I politely clarified that I was in the midst of an urgent matter. “Well, you have a duty of care to your staff,” he responded. At that moment, I had my phone in hand calling the ambulance. “Yes,” I replied, “but in this situation, your heater is far less critical than this person needing medical help without further delay.If it becomes too uncomfortable for you, put on your coat… and if you lack a coat, you’re welcome to borrow mine… just discuss it with your direct manager, not me.”
After wrapping up the call, someone ensured the collapsed individual was breathing and placed him in the recovery position.
I returned to my desk, unlocked my computer, and found six emails from this, what I refer to as, cunt, regarding, can you guess? Yes, his damn heater.
It appears that I;
1. I belittled him (how could I? He’s very short to begin with), and besides, can you really belittle someone who sat on the work toilet (lid down) for two hours because he was feeling unwell until I had to knock to help him out, as a colleague feared someone had died in there? Clearly, he’s managing quite well on his own.
2. I should always prioritize staff (only if I want someone to experiment with a new suicide pill).
3. I was persecuting him (yes, the delay in receiving a fan is just like the Jewish holocaust or Nelson Mandela’s struggles).
4. I had a dictatorial manner (I’d love to suggest taking him outside and having him shot, but apparently, that’s not an option).
5. I did not treat him seriously (Well, can’t argue with that assessment).
6. He couldn’t function without a heater (I’m uncertain how much he does even WITH a heater).
7. He claimed to have a medical condition (he simply sweats excessively!) Yes, indeed, that’s his medical issue!
You might think I’m fabricating this, but it’s entirely true. I responded to him by suggesting he was overreacting and that it would soon be resolved. He stormed out of the office in a huff.
Now for the punchline: after he left, I checked his heater. He had plugged it into a socket that wasn’t connected. It functions flawlessly, and if that doesn’t represent the pinnacle of absurdity, I don’t know what does!
And people have the audacity to question why I drink so much… well, they leave me no choice. I see dead people; I work with them every single day.
