ENGLISH Channel beaches were shut today after a “huge crocodile” was spotted in the sea.
The Poms are going crazy over this, honestly they are.
There is no danger what-so-ever.
Well, if you’re daft enough to go swimming with all the turds and waste that goes in that “oh, so wonderfull” English Channel, then you deserve to be eaten by a croc.
If it’s gone missing from a zoo, surely someone would’ve noticed it. I mean, it’s not as if crocs are tiny.
If no zoo has lost one then it means that the croc must be African or Ozzie. This croc can’t be right in the head! What or who on Gods earth would be swimming in the English Channel (apart from record breaking swimmers from Perth)…who?
Listen Mr or Mrs Croc, if you are an from Oz, and I sort of hope that you are, why the hell have you left the lovely waters of our lovely land. And if you’re African, why leave The Nile…so much history and wonderful wild-life.
The croc was last seen swimming around sailing boats in the port of Boulogne-sur-Mer, north-east France, yesterday.
A spokesman for the local town council revealed: “We decided to close all beaches nearby and ban swimming just in case.”
He added: “All local zoos and amphibian centres are being investigated to see if any of their crocodiles are missing. We can take no chances.”
Police and fire brigade officials supported by the Army were today carrying out a wide-ranging search. While warnings were broadcast to holidaymakers in English and French.
It is high season on the Channel beaches, with thousands swimming and sunbathing.
The first sightings of the crocodile were reported to French newspaper La Voix du Nord (The Voice of the North).
At least two people had spotted the it — which would have been swimming less than 30 miles off the coast of England.
More reports were later received from other witnesses.
They have been known to travel hundreds of miles through the sea to reach new habitats.This croc isn’t venturing to new habitats, he’s just gone on a little trip, you know, a vacation. When he realises that there are far to many people and are always angry because of the weather, he soon pack his bags and come home.
I just hope the Poms don’t harm him. You know how eccentric they can get sometimes, they’d probably want to put it in a museum and take it on a country wide tour, or something.
The French will cover it in garlic, the poor bastard…come back home Mr Croc, those Northern Hemisphere folk don’t understand you, come on home, son.