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Today, the beaches of the ENGLISH Channel were closed due to a sighting of a “huge crocodile” in the waters.
Honestly, the Poms are going mad about this.
There is absolutely no danger at all.
If you’re foolish enough to swim in the “oh, so wonderful” English Channel, filled with all sorts of waste, then perhaps you deserve to be a croc’s meal.
If this croc indeed escaped from a zoo, wouldn’t someone have noticed? I mean, crocs aren’t exactly small creatures.
If none of the zoos have reported a missing crocodile, then the croc must either be African or Australian. That croc must be a bit off its rocker! Who, on God’s green earth, would choose to swim in the English Channel (besides record-breaking swimmers from Perth)… who, exactly?
Hey there, Mr. or Mrs. Croc, if you hail from Oz, and I do hope you do, what on earth made you leave the beautiful waters of our lovely land? And if you’re from Africa, why would you abandon The Nile… a place rich in history and magnificent wildlife?
Yesterday, the croc was last spotted swimming around sailing vessels in the port of Boulogne-sur-Mer, located in northeastern France.
According to a spokesman from the local town council: “We made the decision to close all nearby beaches and prohibit swimming as a precaution.”
He also stated: “We’re checking with all local zoos and amphibian centers to see if any of their crocodiles are unaccounted for. We cannot take any risks.”
Today, a large-scale search was being conducted by police and fire brigade officials, supported by the Army, while warnings were issued to holidaygoers in both English and French.
It’s peak season on the Channel beaches, with thousands of people swimming and sunbathing.
The initial sightings of the crocodile were reported to the French newspaper La Voix du Nord (The Voice of the North).
At least two individuals had spotted it — which was swimming less than 30 miles offshore from England.
Subsequent reports came in from other eyewitnesses.
Crocodiles are known to traverse hundreds of miles across the sea to find new habitats. This particular croc, however, isn’t on a quest for new surroundings; it simply seems to be on a short getaway, you know, a little vacation. Once it becomes aware of the crowds and the constant complaints about the weather, it will undoubtedly pack up and head back home.
I just hope the Poms don’t harm him. You know their eccentricities; they might want to place it in a museum and take it on a nationwide tour or something equally ridiculous.
As for the French, they would probably cover him in garlic, the poor creature… Come back home, Mr. Croc! Those folks in the Northern Hemisphere just don’t get you; come on back home, son.
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