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German gay community protest to keep gay vultures together

MEMBERS of Germany‘s gay community expressed outrage after a pair of homosexual vultures were separated against their will and forced to mate with females.

Guido and Detlef, the pair in question, have become symbols of the protests against intolerance, even though they are both male predators.

In light of cholera outbreaks, terrorism threats, failing banks, and dwindling fortunes and species, some German gay rights activists have taken the opportunity to show solidarity and concern for the birds’ situation.

The situation unfolded in March when Guido and Detlef established their home at Allwetterzoo in the British Army garrison town of Munster, located in northwest Germany.

The griffon vultures, Gyps fulvus, displayed no interest in female companionship. They thrived in their own little world, gently grooming each other with their fierce beaks while rearranging sticks to build their nest, although other vultures continuously stole materials, seemingly to disrupt their setup.

Zoo curator Dirk Wewers remarked, “They always sat very close to each other. They defended their nest from other vultures. A suitable female was absent, and in such situations, vultures seek companionship with the next available option, even if it happens to be a male. Although Detlef searched for an opposite-sex bird, he ultimately settled with Guido.”

Recently, however, Guido was removed and replaced by a lively female from the Czech Republic, who is hoped to ignite Detlef’s interest and lead to the production of little vultures.

“Detlef is adjusting himself now,” said Dr. Wewers, who dismissed the criticism from gay advocacy groups regarding the decision to disrupt the pair’s harmonious arrangement.

So far, Detlef and the unidentified Czech bird have not engaged in mating behavior. Meanwhile, Guido, who was transferred 650 km east to a zoo in Ostrava, in the Czech Republic, is also reportedly unenthusiastic about the heterosexual lifestyle being imposed on him.

Will it be too late to teach an old vulture new tricks? Both Detlef and Guido are 14 years old, and whether either’s libido can meet the expectations of the keepers remains uncertain.

A small group of homosexuals protested near the zoo gates beneath a rainbow flag, while the German blogosphere buzzed with activity. “This is reminiscent of the Dark Middle Ages, forcibly making a creature sexually reorient itself by tearing its partner from its side,” wrote one campaigner.

While the Roman Catholic Church in the conservative region of Munsterland rejoices, global homosexual federations and animal protection groups are indignant.

Five years ago, public outcry stopped a pair of gay penguins at Bremerhaven Zoo from being separated. But for Detlef and Guido, it was too late for outrage to make a difference.

As darkness descended on a chilly and windy Monday night in Munster, there was still no indication that Detlef would surrender to the charms of his eastern counterpart.

“There’s still time,” commented a zoo spokesman, adding, “It is for the best.”

Buford Balony says: No wonder they lost the WAR.

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