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Gardener trims a pair of bollocks

Ian Ashmeade has had to alter the shape of his garden hedge following a complaint from a member of the public about its suggestive appearance.

Although Mr. Ashmeade acknowledges that the hedge’s phallic shape was somewhat cheeky, he argues that it has always provided plenty of entertainment for the villagers.

However, this week, Cambridgeshire police officers took a different stance after receiving a complaint, instructing Mr. Ashmeade to trim the controversial hedge or risk incurring an £80 fine for violating public order.

Residing in Haddenham near Chatteris, Mr. Ashmeade, who recently achieved the title of ‘world pea-shooting champion’ at an annual event in Witcham, originally shaped the hedge into its risqué form in 2002 when he observed the plant’s natural growth beginning to resemble it.

The hedge, situated on Mr. Ashmeade’s driveway in Linden Way, had been proudly displayed for eight years until the complaint this week led to police intervention.

“A policeman visited my home and informed my wife that someone had lodged a complaint about the topiary, and that failing to rectify it would result in an £80 fine,” Mr. Ashmeade recounted.

“The topiary had been pruned for over eight years. I can’t comprehend why it has suddenly caused offense now. I find it very disappointing.”

While Mr. Ashmeade was away on a cycling tour in Norfolk over the weekend, his wife called to inform him about the police visit. Upon returning home, he opted to prune the hedge once more, and it now takes the form of a pea shooter in honor of his recent championship victory.

A representative for Cambridgeshire police stated: “Officers responded to a complaint from a member of the public concerning the shrub’s shape. They visited the man over the weekend and requested that he alter its form or face a fine for a public order violation.”

Mr. Ashmeade re-shaped the bush into a peashooter, but he was not available for further comments.

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