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New breakfast cereal gives you a hard-on

Apparently, it’s akin to having Angelina Jolie in your breakfast bowl.

Just one serving and you’ll find yourself energized like a young lover, despite the fact that it won’t magically turn her into a 20-year-old. It will, however, get you in the mood. Ironically, this newly branded cereal is manufactured by a company best known for producing a variety of animal feed.

The Pureena Company has announced its upcoming launch of a breakfast cereal specially designed for men experiencing impotence, named Nut & Raisin Honey.

This marks a significant departure from their typical marketing and production practices. Haywood Jablome, President of Marketing at Pureena, states, “We anticipate a smooth transition into this new market, requiring only slight adjustments to the recipe and packaging.”

Ian McKrakitch from New York’s Harness Bank remarked, “All the tools for production are in place. What’s needed is a cereal blend that tastes appealing, sells well, and provides the male consumer with that added ‘Gitty Up’ when he feels like letting the horse out of the barn.”

I’m not entirely sure what ‘Gitty Up’ refers to, but shouldn’t there be information on whether this cereal can indeed enhance your performance when it’s time for intimacy?

Numerous pharmaceutical companies advocate that their products offer significantly more than just a bit of ‘Gitty Up’ and are profiting handsomely from clients eager to feel ‘Strong Like Bull’ or have ‘Lead in their Pencil’. Personally, I prefer using a pen most of the time.

Pfizzor Company, the maker of the widely recognized ‘Gitty Up’ pill that is little and blue and begins with V, has hinted that Pureena might be incorporating unapproved animal steroids into their cereal.

Test consumer Hal Noodleman shared, “Hey, whatever does the trick, and trust me, this does. Just one spoonful of this stuff and I’m as wild as a raging bull.”

Neighbors report hearing unsavory barnyard sounds emanating from the Noodleman residence at all times during the night. “Nut & Raisin Honey somewhat resembles the taste of dog food, but my wife thinks I’m great for consuming it,” Noodleman comically adds, following up with a whinny.

To be truthful…I’ve never encountered a breakfast cereal that tastes like dog food.

Nut & Raisin Honey is priced at $37.95 a box, which isn’t inexpensive, yet store owners are struggling to keep it stocked. Despite potential side effects such as an urge to herd cows around the yard and grunting sounds akin to those of pigs in heat, Pureena seems to have hit the jackpot with this product.

Additionally, Pureena has hinted at launching a sport drink for women named ‘Wet & Wild’. Jablome did not provide further details on this product.

Let’s hope it persuades the ladies to see their man as a Brad Pitt lookalike.

by Milo Johnson

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