Internet dating…for many, it evokes images of overweight computer enthusiasts, sleazy older men, and mature women seeking younger companions.
Traditionally, this perception was quite accurate. Nevertheless, the current landscape of internet dating paints a starkly different picture. A diverse group of individuals from all walks of life are now exploring this avenue.
Gone are the days when matchmaking services and professional, expensive dating coaches ruled the scene; free dating sites like Plenty of Fish and Oasis Active, along with social networking platforms such as Facebook, have fundamentally transformed and somewhat challenged the inherent human quest for companionship.
My introduction to internet dating occurred in early 2009. Like many others, I initially dismissed online dating, associating it with predators and socially awkward misfits. A close friend, Gregg, had experienced success in connecting with women, prompting me to give it a try.
To my surprise, I found myself engaged with a girl I met on Facebook before I even explored Oasis. As someone who had never met an online acquaintance in person, I felt a wave of nerves before our first meeting, which took place just weeks after our initial conversation.
Gabby was an 18-year-old single mother, absolutely stunning at 5’7” with a size 6 figure, silky dark brown hair that fell just to her shoulders, and striking green eyes. She was exactly my type.
She was not seeking a relationship, which was perfectly fine with me. Gabby came over for a drink, and without exaggeration, we were intimate within 10-15 minutes of her arriving. That was the entirety of our arrangement.
A few times a week, I would pick her up from work, we would share intimate moments, and I would then take her home. It was an ideal convenience-driven relationship that lasted for several months until we both grew tired of it. This experience significantly boosted my confidence in online dating.
However, I realized how fortunate I was with my first encounter. My subsequent ‘date’ highlighted the inherent challenges and risks involved in dating someone sight unseen.
While online dating can indeed reward those who persist in navigating it, the risks are undeniable. For some individuals, the online realm becomes an escape, a space where they can present themselves differently. This may be acceptable in anonymous chat rooms, but in real-life situations like the one I am about to share, it can lead to deception and varying consequences.
Some time later, a friend named Tommo requested a ride to meet a woman he had connected with on Plenty of Fish. Although he is one of my closest friends, Tommo is quite an enigmatic character. Since leaving the Navy, he has been unemployed, carless, lacking in moral compass, and utterly disrespectful toward women, yet he has a knack for attracting female attention.
This particular woman, however, had not included a photo on her profile, owned a lovely home and a nice car, so we decided the risk was worth taking. Our plan was simple: visit her, have some drinks, and attempt to ‘tag-team’ her. Upon arriving at her home, it quickly became clear she was not the person she had claimed to be on her profile. She appeared to be about 35, with acne and significant weight issues. While this may come across as harsh, and she might have had an engaging personality, the reality is that physical attraction is typically the first aspect we notice upon meeting someone. In this instance, it was decidedly one-sided. Nonetheless, we did indulge in drinks, and we did…She decided to hook up with him. Why? Because it was amusing, and that’s the bottom line.
However, what I’m aiming to convey here is that she presented herself as a moderately attractive twenty-something in her profile. Honesty is one of the most critical factors for success in online dating.
Of course, we all have our moments of exaggeration, and that’s perfectly normal. Yet, a blatant falsehood will eventually come to light, and this individual has likely faced rejection numerous times when guys have turned her down upon their first encounter. Had she been truthful on her profile initially, she might have attracted someone who didn’t possess such lofty expectations and was more interested in her personality.
I could recount these tales endlessly, but I don’t wish to stray from the article’s main focus.
Why do we seek out companionship or love online? The answer is rather straightforward…convenience. Why venture to a bar or club and spend a fortune on drinks for a girl who’s likely out of your league and has already had proposals from thirty other guys that evening? When communicating with women on most dating platforms, it’s because they are interested in talking to you. They have to accept or initiate a request before any conversations occur, ensuring that some level of attraction or interest exists between both parties. Nonetheless, there are various other reasons.
Some individuals simply desire something different, possibly outside their usual social circles. Others may just be lazy. Each person has their distinct motivations.
Today, I find it quite easy to meet or approach women. I stand tall, hold a respectable job, and possess decent conversational skills. While I may carry some extra weight, my mother assures me I’m not bad looking.
However, just a couple of years back, I struggled tremendously with women. I was in a relationship from age 16 to 20. This meant that instead of honing these skills out on the town with friends, I was home with my girlfriend. After the breakup, I felt lost when it came to approaching women or flirting. Online dating provided a straightforward introduction to the dating scene. Consequently, I’ve gained the confidence to approach almost any female without becoming overly arrogant. Among certain friends, I’ve developed a reputation for having some skill in this area, and I frequently receive requests for advice. Except for Tommo, that is, who has an incredible knack for attracting women.
A crucial takeaway when engaging in online dating is that not every attempt at connection will be a success. My success rate is likely 10% or even lower. However, much like anything else, the more time and effort you invest, along with the number of requests you send, the greater your chances of reaping rewards.
Tailor your profile based on what you seek. Everyone is looking for something unique, be it true love, companionship, friends, or just a casual hookup. Keep your profile description brief and to the point. Individuals generally do not want to invest 20 minutes reading your biography, plus it offers you more material to discuss when meeting them. Maintain an open mindset.
Am I interested in a serious relationship? Not at the moment, though I would certainly be open to the idea if it presented itself. In reality, there’s no definitive manual for succeeding in this realm. The true path to excelling lies in exploring it, taking your time, and finding your footing.
In summary, akin to the rise of free love and the notion of sexual freedom in the 1960s, internet dating has become a hallmark of today’s dating scene. The emergence of smartphones like the ‘iPhone’ is simplifying the process of meeting individuals in the often hectic lives of today’s singles.
Indeed, it may be reshaping the very notion of marriage and interpersonal relationships, thereby streamlining the process of finding a partner while also making it, to some extent, more impersonal than in the previous decade.
While I still strongly support and relish meeting girls in person, online dating (albeit occasionally a gamble) is enjoyable, straightforward, and offers opportunities for meeting people that many social settings may not.
Give it a try.
by Jeff Millins