Greetings to all my fans. It’s wonderful to return after my trip to India.
I appreciate all the feedback regarding my previous article on test match cricket. Sadly, my English does not quite grasp the colloquial expressions used by some of my supporters. I once approached my Guru and requested clarification on what it meant to get knotted. He informed me that it is a term from yoga.
I have been quite intrigued by the evolution of cricket in Australia. With a new test captain and more formidable bowlers, I’m pleased that Mr. Ponting remains on the team. The South African squad is arguably the best team globally this year, with India being the notable exception.
England seems to struggle, especially when Kevin Pieterson (a South African) faces challenges in the locker room. Sri Lanka looks promising this year, and perhaps the Windies will eventually display their skills with some pace bowlers.
I recall my father discussing the remarkable tennis players of Australia—the left-handed Laver, known as the King of the Court. Nowadays, he is largely a relic… though some claim he is merely a kitten. Lleyton is now just a memory of a neighborhood in London.
So, I asked my father why Australians have ceased to play tennis.
He replied that they are focused on reclaiming the Ashes of bygone days. Swimming isn’t a strong suit for India. We consume plenty of water, but not after certain individuals have bathed in it. Australia once excelled in swimming, yet managed only around ten or twelve golds in London this year.
India secured golds in squash and synchronized dart playing… and of course rose to the top in cricket.
Looking ahead to the next World Cup, we expect to perform well in soccer… we have already triumphed over Tibet and Nepal. Retrieving the ball after it rolled down the mountains was quite a task. The impartial referee donned an oxygen mask in the second half, and the low clouds rendered his decisions rather questionable.
We had a friendly match in beach volleyball with our Aussie friends. They accused us of cheating when our all-male first team faced their women’s team. We narrowly lost. We believed it appropriate to wear saris, though we struggled to stay upright.
Once more, our national cuisine has taken center stage at food festivals globally. There are now more Indian cafes in the UK and USA than in India itself. Russia has raised concerns that fumes from our diners are contributing to global warming. China has restricted our dishes due to the rice being too cumbersome on plates.
Only in Australia do we not reign supreme in cuisine.
They favor Kee Babbbies, which do not lead to stomach troubles. However, the aroma in Sydney competes with that of Mombai.
With soaring petrol prices, they will soon be welcoming our exquisite curry transports.
In racing, India can rival Australia. The renowned Melbourne Cup is a pinnacle of elegance and fashion, boasting some remarkable horses. Yet, can it compare with India’s illustrious Delhi Cup? Only the finest camels are permitted to participate. While the Melbourne Cup stretches over two miles, the Delhi Cup spans twenty miles and is set on sand. Crucially, after the races, we are able to provide the meat for a grand feast for the less fortunate.
I am thrilled to be back in my second home and eagerly anticipate updating you all on the latest news from the upcoming test matches this season.
Keep in mind that this year, sledges are not permitted on the pitch, and name-calling is acceptable as long as it’s in Swahili.
Why is cricket played in whites, rather than Khaki? In India, Khaki consists of dust combined with whites, creating a charming mottled effect. Most teams find themselves coated in dust during the dry season, and when the monsoon rains arrive, they return to their cricket whites.
During the rainy season, we typically wear snorkels. Elephants serve as substitutes for pitch rollers. And beware…the snake signs have all been taken down.
Wishing the best of luck to all the players, and if you plan to wager, rest assured… India will prevail, of course.
Rangla gangnam to everyone.
by Rahndi Ghit
