To my many millions of fans,I’m home.Your award winning sports writer has moved back to Australia.
I’ve been living in Alabama for the last few years & thought where in Oz is the place with the most in-bred,teeth missing,2 headed people(apart from Tassie) & rednecks.The only place could be Collie WA.I’m going to hunt the shit out of all the critters in the bush there.I’ve been back for about 3 months,but they only just let me son Cleedus out of quarantine last week.He now can’t stop licking his balls & sniffing ass but should grow out of it soon as I need him to put the dead squirrels back on the fence so I can shoot em again.
My award winning writing will keep you up to date with all the important sport happenings in the world & if I don’t write about your sport it must be shit & also if you don’t like what I write bad luck because you aren’t an award winning sports writer.
So,to all my loyal & dedicated fans,I will probably see you at 1 of the many events I cover & if you see Cleedus or myself there,you can always buy us a beer or a bourbon.
Here are some tips where you can make some money.Send all cheques to Ozzie News c/o Buford if you want to donate some winnings.
Wooden Spoon-Cronulla Sharks
State of Origin
NSW to break origin drought
Champions-Who gives a shit
Wooden Spoon-West Coast Eagles
Top Aussie Team-Western Force
Rugby World Cup
Daniel Ricciardo to win an F1 race this season
Eddie McGuire to get a speech impediment & shut the fuck up
Dennis Cometti & Mark Beretta to actually know something about sport
Ricky Ponting’s 2nd head to re-grow & he finally gets a 50
Several St Kilda players come out
Timana Tahu to stop whingeing,sorry that will never happen