The influence of fish master Rick Stein on the Cornish port of Padstow has led to its endearing nickname, Padstein.
However, a new, more personal renaming attempt doesn’t quite flatter him. Some pranksters added a ‘P’ to the signage at his Bannisters restaurant located at Mollymook Beach, New South Wales.
You can’t blame us Ozzies for taking a jab at Prick…I mean Rick. By just looking at Rick Stein’s eyes, one could sense he’s a bit of a monster. Whenever he pauses in conversation, a barely concealed anger seems to seep into his otherwise blank expression. An anger mingled with sadness. He perpetually appears on the brink of losing his temper with others, insisting on sharing his views and setting the world straight. Of course, he’s also notorious for dramatically expressing his displeasure at British cooking standards over and over again.
Episode after episode, he glorifies “authentic peasant food” while undermining the perceived lack of “flair and imagination.” All we require is “authentic ingredients, simply cooked.”
Well, it’s time for Stein and every other condescending chef who fancies themselves as gastronomic ethnographers and arbiters of taste to hear this:
It’s just bloody food.
Its function as a symbol of good taste exists solely because individuals like you distinguish “good” from “bad,” “quality” from “trash” via meaningless associations. Back in 1977, “hilariously” prawn cocktail and Black Forest gateaux epitomized middle-class taste, but we know better now. Those food items were consumed by individuals who didn’t grasp food the way we do in the sophisticated 21st century.
Keith Floyd had the right perspective. He showcased a place, demonstrated how to prepare a dish, expressed that it’s simple, and encouraged enjoying it with some fine wine. That’s all there was to it.
He managed to be both informative and entertaining. Occasionally, the cooking may not have turned out perfectly…but that was inconsequential because he didn’t embody the pretentious ‘TV chef’ stereotype prevalent on current television.
Bill Granger from ‘Bills Food’ boasts the brightest smile I’ve ever seen. His teeth are whiter even than those of George Michael and Richard Hammond combined. I’m sorry, but I just can’t place my trust in a chef who seems so artificial, cheesy, and unsettling…he simply comes off as…creepy.
I’m curious when Bill will come out of the closet…how can anyone be that flamboyant for television and not genuinely be gay? It seems entirely implausible. We don’t care about who or what you are, Bill, we just want a down-to-earth person on our screens without the nonsense fed to us.
Your bright grin appears to be a permanent accessory. Were you in an 
accident reminiscent of The Joker from the Batman franchise?
And then there’s that other fellow…Gordon Ramsay. Passionate as you may be while running a notoriously stressful kitchen, shouting at everyone isn’t the way to get through to them.
It’s now widely known that several of your restaurants are struggling…more than just struggling. You’ve even sought financial assistance from Peter Jones, one of Britain’s leading businessmen featured on ‘Dragons’ Den.’
Interestingly, when Keith Floyd passed, a clip circulated showing him being questioned about modern TV chefs…specifically you. Floyd remarked, “I think he’s a cunt”…and with that, I’ve made my point. I think you are, your dwindling clientele are beginning to suspect it, and the great Keith Floyd certainly thinks so.
What’s unbecoming is lecturing others on what they ought to eat, incessantly reminiscing about a non-existent peasant food culture, and fixating on what the average family prepares for dinner.
Chicken nuggets exist and are genuinely loved by many; it might make you feel a bit queasy, but guess what? Tough luck.
by John Jackson
