What defines a pretentious album?
A concept that induces groans, an abundance of grandiose language, and a cover that is downright absurd. If you’re fortunate, you experience all three simultaneously.
Below are some of the most notable examples.
10. Pete Townshend – ‘Psychoderelict’
A 60’s rock star, misunderstood, faces harassment from a music critic. It contains more psychobabble than an Alanis Morrissette album and is sorely lacking in memorable riffs. It pales in comparison to ‘Tommy’. Most Pretentious Moment: The track ‘Let’s Get Pretentious’ attempts post-modernism but ends up sounding simply…pretentious.
9. The Smashing Pumpkins – ‘Machina / The Machines Of God’
Billy Corgan isn’t exactly renowned for his charm or subtlety, but we can overlook that since he created classics like ‘Gish’ and ‘Siamese Dream’. However, ‘Machina’ presents a ‘concept’ where The Pumpkins express exaggerated versions of themselves and Corgan claims to hear the voice of god. Frequently. Unfortunately, they forgot to write any actual tunes to support this idea. Most Pretentious Moment: ‘The Imploding Voice’. ‘God’ speaks, but he sounds shockingly like someone producing a terrible racket.
8. Transvision Vamp – ‘Little Magnets Versus The Bubble Of Babble’Despite their prior album ‘Velveteen’ reaching Number One, this release, heavily focused on “mood pieces” and panting, failed to chart. Most Pretentious Moment: “Won’t you be my twangy wig out?” Wendy James sings on, um, ‘Twangy Wig Out’. No thanks!
7. KISS – ‘Music From ‘The Elder’’
KISS not only abandoned their heavy rock roots (but retained the makeup), but they also ventured into a comic book-like concept for this album, centered around a boy ready to battle evil and become a superhero. Unsurprisingly, it didn’t sell as well as their earlier works. Most Pretentious Moment: ‘I’ was a ludicrous pomp rock venture, but in retrospect, the video was rather amusing.
6. Mansun – ‘Six’
Is there any other band capable of paying homage to both L. Ron Hubbard and Winnie The Pooh? Mansun got lost in their Britpop maze with this ridiculous album. Listening to it felt like undertaking a dissertation. Most Pretentious Moment: ‘Witness To A Murder (Part Two)’. An opera singer delivers a performance over a harpsichord melody.
5. The Passengers – ‘Original Soundtracks (Volume 1)’
Why rely on an annoying film to support a soundtrack when you can delve deeper into ponderous, introspective material without one? Instrumentals, bassists who sing, and Pavarotti all contributed to this overblown fiasco. Most Pretentious Moment: ‘Miss Sarajevo’ featuring Pavs. About as embarrassing as it gets for everyone involved.
4. Lou Reed – ‘Metal Machine Music’
A bit of musical self-destruction led Lou to obliterate his glam persona with four sides of hissing feedback. Most Pretentious Moment: The fourth side of the original LP featured a locked groove, allowing you to listen to it…forever!
3. Lou Reed and Metallica – ‘Lulu’
This is the collaboration that no one desired. Lou’s highbrow, spoken word style failed to coincide with Metallica’s rhythmic grooves. The outcome made both parties appear, well, as if they needed to socialize more. Most Pretentious Moment: The dreary closer ‘Junior Dad’. Listeners, the fun is officially over.
2. Terence Trent D’Arby – ‘Neither Fish Nor Flesh’
Another artist who felt compelled to obliterate his former self. The follow-up to the wildly successful ‘The Hardline According To…’ album was laden with excessive funk and self-indulgent reflections. Most Pretentious Moment: It was so pretentious he found it necessary to change his name after its release.
1. Lady Gaga – ‘Born This Way’
For a time, Gaga was the most exhilarating pop star globally. However, on ‘Born This Way’, she seemed to succumb to her own hype, convinced she possessed a message to convey. This led to an album filled with unwieldy ‘anthems’ that only highlighted that the fun had departed. Most Pretentious Moment: The German-sung track ‘ScheiBe’. Did electroclash really die for this?
by Wallace McTavish
