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Noel Gallagher tells David Beckham to write songs

Noel Gallagher has proposed that David Beckham consider songwriting following his retirement from football.

The ex-England and Manchester United star announced his decision to retire at the season’s end, having turned down an opportunity to extend his career with Paris St Germain into 2014.

Noel Gallagher - a shit cunt, with a shit haircutWhen Gallagher was asked about Beckham’s next steps, he simply stated: “Songwriting”.

He continued, noting, “He has had an incredible career and has played for some of the most legendary clubs in football. One day, he might consider management, but let’s hope it isn’t with Manchester City.”

The former Oasis member also expressed that he “hated” Beckham during his time at United, though they have since formed a friendship. “I hated him when he played for United. Hated him. Hate. Genuine hate. But fortunately, I met him after he left United, and he’s such a nice guy and a fantastic footballer.”

Noel Gallagher collecting the accolade at this year’s Ivor Novellos for Outstanding Song Collection, which was awarded to him by Kinks vocalist Ray Davies.

I’m not sure why this is, considering he has just a few decent songs…they aren’t classics in any way or form…and they never will be. I have attended several Oasis concerts, and they consistently fell short…they were always terrible. Liam just stands there with his arms crossed, trying to look tough, and there’s more life in the puppet Parker (from Thunderbirds) than in Noel.

The former Oasis member expressed gratitude to “my publishers, whom I’ve just met after 20 years – Sony, apparently,” eliciting laughter from the audience in the industry. He dedicated the honor to his wife, mentioning that she’d once said she’d never seen him write any songs. “This proves that I do,” he remarked.

Oasis – an extremely dull band with a handful of decent tracks…thank goodness they’re done, because I’ve moved on from them.

by Wallace McTavish

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