My great uncle once shared with me a tale from his youth about his trip to India many years ago.
A test series was scheduled to take place…Australia versus India in the subcontinent.
This would be my uncle’s first experience traveling abroad to attend a test match. Upon arriving by rowboat in Bombay, the match commenced the following day. India won the toss and opted to bat.
The opener for India was Mahatma Kote, a truly magnificent batsman.
The first four balls were struck for fours. However, the fifth ball of the over bounced awkwardly and hit the batsman in the head. During that time, there were no protective gear like helmets. The ball struck his turbhan, and blinded, he inadvertently stepped back into his stumps. The umpire declared him out.
Following a thorough examination of the rule book and extensive discussions with the third umpire (a policeman from Karachi with a Kodak camera), the decision stood. It marked the only instance my uncle saw on the scorecard…out-blinded by turbhan.
The other opener for India was Abdu Dulali. His father was an Italian who wed an Indian princess. While he consistently made contact with the ball, he rarely ran between the wickets, boasting an impressive record.
In one innings, he started his batting in the morning and was still there the following morning when the groundsmen came out to roll the pitch. Due to his tendency to push the ball, he earned the nickname the Dulali Tap. Known for his dramatic dives whenever a bouncer was bowled, it was attributed to his Italian lineage, inspiring soccer players to mimic his style soon after.
The Australian bowlers were justly feared for their speed and precision. However, the change in cuisine impacted their endurance. Typhoon Jones began the match strongly, taking three wickets in the first hour.
As the day wore on, though, his trousers hindered his bowling speed. He was known as Typhoon not for his might, but because of his insistence on eating curry at every meal.
By day two, his flatulence cleared out most of the stands, leaving only the most die-hard fans. The standout bowler for Australia was W.H. Smith. His speed was so remarkable that he initiated his run-up from the members bar. Racing across the bar, down the stands, and vaulting over the outfield, he was a blur by the time he reached the wicket.
With eyes shut, he delivered the ball with lethal speed at the crouched batsman. Unfortunately, during his second over, the umpire noticed that the batsman had the top button of his sari undone. Raising his arm to halt the bowler, Smith collided with the upraised arm…resulting in the loss of his four front teeth.
From that day onward, he earned the nickname Lisping Smith.
The Indian team voiced complaints about the Aussie bowlers, claiming they smoked between deliveries and drank beer between overs…AND THIS IS HOW…they became known as the Demon Bowlers.
On the second day, the Indians declared early, and the visitors took the field.
Two fingers O’Reilly faced the first ball, calmly stroking it for a single. The effects of the curried breakfast soon became apparent as he waved to the umpire, bypassing the far wicket and heading straight to the restroom in the stands.
In the opening over, just four runs were scored, but the player made several trips to the stands for comfort breaks. The first over took an astonishing one hour and ten minutes to finish.
The day dragged on, and by tea time, six wickets had fallen.
Our finest all-rounder was Ritchie ‘Lionel’ Bellow. He acquired the name Lionel due to his graceful batting style, but he also enjoyed
singing while in the restroom.
Most restroom doors lacked locks, so players would extend a leg to keep the door closed. Lionel delighted in…He sang in the toilet to indicate its occupancy. His repertoire included popular songs of the day, yet his favorite was “Take Me Back to Dear Old Blighty,” often performed with a tear in his eye and a peg on his nose. Although a good singer, his voice was slightly nasal.
The formidable middle-order batsman was known as ‘Mad Dog’ Ponsonby Neesom.
He loved to swing his bat at the ball, but after a questionable decision, he directed his bat at the umpire. That’s how he earned the nickname ‘Mad Dog.’
The seventh batsman served as the wicketkeeper. After a fifteen-minute wait, a runner was dispatched to locate him. He was found lying flat in the gentlemen’s cloakroom and was subsequently revived. Many claimed it was due to the grog, but he insisted he had been overcome by toxic fumes in the lavatory.
Reilly was nicknamed Two Fingers because of the sign language he used to order drinks. This habit landed him in jail in Jaipur. After downing fifteen whisky slingers, a sober tea merchant accused him of trying to blind him while ordering another round.
The final tally ended with two wins, three draws… and ten abandoned matches due to the failure to field more than three fit players.
The Indian team demonstrated good sportsmanship, wishing the visitors a safe journey home… once they had been discharged from the hospital.
It was the media reports that emerged following the team’s return home that stirred up controversy. Claims of attempted poisoning were firmly denied by the entire team, although the wicketkeeper did admit to trying to enhance the curry’s flavor with Vegemite.
The captain of the Australian team reached out to the English captain since they would be the next team to play in Delhi. He advised him not to drink the water while seizing every opportunity to indulge in the local curries.
My uncle recounted reading in the newspapers about the English team’s nickname being the Windies, long before the West Indies toured Australia.
After being released from jail, my great uncle returned to Perth, full of admiration for the team’s heroic performance. He proclaimed it was the best test series he had ever witnessed. Why, you ask, was he in jail? He was the instigator of the first instance of a chicken being tossed in the air when a player scored a duck. However, there were no ducks available in Calcutta, so he opted for a chicken. Regrettably, it was cooked and fell on long stop, hitting him in an unfortunate area.
He was subsequently arrested and charged with foul play.
Happy Year of the Dragon… Why don’t the Chinese play cricket?
So long.
by TOG
