Playing the role of a dating buddy for my friend has proven to be one of the most remarkable acts of friendship I’ve engaged in.
After a divorce that she never wished for and didn’t anticipate a year later, she felt like she had passed her prime. However, I encouraged the 54-year-old mother of two to explore online dating. Together, we spent countless hours navigating dating websites, sipping wine, laughing, groaning, and fine-tuning her profile.
During her first date, her nerves got the best of her, so I waited in the car park outside the pub with my mobile, prepared for a distress call that ultimately didn’t come.
After an hour, I reached out with a text. She replied, ‘Sooo sorry,’ she buzzed back. ‘I completely forgot you were out there.’
A year later, she is now ‘going steady’ with a deputy head in his late 50s that she met online.
If you’re single, over 50, and in search of love, the internet undoubtedly serves as a logical starting point.
Women in this demographic are the fastest-growing group among subscribers… which is perhaps no surprise considering that there are 2.4 million individuals aged 45 to 64 living alone, an increase of one-third over the past decade.
Search for the phrase ‘dating over 50’ in a search engine, and numerous sites will appear.
Nonetheless, for every woman I’m aware of who signs up for online dating, there are at least three who hesitate and are convinced the scene is filled with toxic lotharios. So, who is correct?
The internet can indeed be a fantastic matchmaker… provided you approach it correctly.
However, the overwhelming fears surrounding it have compelled her to create courses in online dating to help alleviate those concerns.
Here, she tackles what she considers the five most prevalent misconceptions. If you can conquer these, you just might discover the love of your life . . .
FEAR: There’s no one online interested in dating women over 50.
REALITY: ‘For women over 50, it may take more effort and require patience.’But I assure you, one special man is out there, equally in need of love as you are.’
This is predominantly a numbers game. In daily life, you’re unlikely to encounter as many available men as when you were younger, but the internet significantly broadens your opportunities.
FEAR: Everyone enhances their profiles with lies and appears nothing like their pictures.
REALITY: Research conducted in the U.S. revealed that older individuals present themselves differently than younger ones in the realm of online dating.
They generally emphasize honest self-representation and compatibility over looks and status.
Regardless, it’s essential to view dishonesty on a continuum. There are outright lies (like pretending to be single when not), slight exaggerations (like reducing your age a few years or using an idealized older photo), and simply showcasing yourself in the best light possible.
FEAR: All the people online are just washed-up rejects. If I sign up, I’ll appear like a loser as well.
REALITY: ‘You are turning to online dating because your day-to-day life doesn’t provide enough opportunities to meet potential partners.
FEAR: Older men online are merely seeking casual encounters, desperately trying to prove they still have it.
REALITY: Quilliam considers this to be untrue. ‘If he states he’s seeking a long-term relationship, it’s likely true.’
Just like when you were 18, intimacy is open for discussion. It’s entirely acceptable to decline if you feel uneasy. If he reacts poorly, he’s probably not the right match for you.
Keep in mind that older men often share similar insecurities about their sexual vitality as older women do, and they may privately question their ability to perform without assistance from medications like Viagra.
FEAR: I’ve been on the site for three months and haven’t met anyone yet. I’m in my 50s, and time is slipping away.
REALITY: ‘To find someone you might want to start a relationship with, you should engage with around 100 men and meet at least ten.’
By the time you reach your 50s, you should have a clear understanding of what you desire in a partner. Standing firm on your standards is a sign of personal growth from past experiences.
However, it’s crucial to avoid feeling like a failure due to rejection. Typically, this happens early on, and since the person doesn’t yet know you well, it’s unlikely to be personal.
Furthermore, if you’ve been on the dating site for three months, you’ve likely done your fair share of dismissing prospects as well. Just as you may find yourself saying no to certain men, you must be ready to receive the same treatment and move forward.
