Are you part of the GAT (Guilty All the Time) generation? Do you find yourself blaming yourself daily for not spending enough quality time with your family, for neglecting friends, or for indulging in unhealthy eating habits? Did you experience remorse over the past Christmas for not being kinder to your mother or for skipping the gym?
If so, it’s highly likely that you are a woman. As Erica Jong famously stated, “Show me a woman who doesn’t feel guilty, and I’ll show you a man.”
A recent survey indicates that nearly all women, specifically 96%, experience feelings of guilt at least once daily. We are often led to believe we should feel guilt for our persistent guilt, but in reality, it might be a reason to celebrate.
Guilt is what distinguishes us from men in a compassionate way. It’s the motivation that pushes us to lighten others’ burdens, as we would prefer that to the guilt of not contributing. It drives us to tackle family laundry, manage countless washing loads, and stress over perfecting festive events—whether it’s Christmas, a birthday, or a wedding.
It explains why we endure endless play sessions involving dolls’ tea parties or cops and robbers with young children, even when we are utterly tired and yearn to relax in front of the TV with a glass of wine.
It’s the reason we answer calls from heartbroken friends, saying, “No, no, of course I’ve got time,” just when we had planned a cozy night with a good book.
Despite this, a disturbing and highly lucrative industry thrives on promoting the idea that guilt is detrimental. Just yesterday, the author of a book titled Escaping Toxic Guilt suggested that women feel guilty because they are raised to be ‘good’. Yet, I fail to comprehend what is wrong with that.
Indeed, the current trend emphasizes ‘me-time’, that elusive treasure for those whose personal slogan is ‘Because I’m worth it’. The spa industry’s growth serves as a testament to the general belief that guilt-ridden, overwhelmed modern women require relaxation and self-reflection.
We all deserve moments to unwind, but for most women, this doesn’t equate to a luxurious week at a spa; it means a pilates session or enjoying half an hour with coffee and a glossy magazine. What I truly find objectionable is how the ‘Because you’re worth it’ culture consistently urges us to shirk our responsibilities, treating me-time as if it were one of the most cherished human rights.
Life can be challenging. Ironically, joy arises from facing these challenges head-on, not avoiding them. The true reward lies in the satisfaction that comes from perseverance, whether it involves adhering to a diet or sacrificing a new dress to fund your child’s karate lessons.
While, in theory, it would be delightful to indulge in an extravagant spa retreat, if you’re anything like the women I know, spending a week focused solely on yourself would feel impossible (and guilt over your children would prevent you from savoring the experience anyway).
As we grow older and our children become independent, we can look forward to plentiful ‘me-time’, stretching into a future we hope won’t be a solitary old age. Until then, let’s embrace our guilt, for those we cherish truly deserve it.
by Susan Floyd