Feeling nervous when meeting someone new is completely normal, yet encountering Elizabeth Kuhnke amplifies that sensation. As an ‘executive presence coach’ and body language analysis specialist, she possesses extensive experience in interpreting the nonverbal cues we convey.
It’s not just my speech that concerns me; my posture and the arrangement of my limbs also weigh heavily on my mind.
In person, she appears to be a touch intimidating. With her brisk demeanor, blonde hair, and a polished look that includes immaculate beige attire and plenty of gold jewelry, it’s clear she’s well put-together. However, as our conversation unfolds, I start to feel a connection to her.
This is hardly surprising since she mirrors my posture exactly: leaning forward, hands resting on her knees, and maintaining eye contact.
I can’t quite determine if I am mirroring her posture or the reverse – or if either of us is doing it intentionally. Nevertheless, this mutual positioning helps build our rapport.
“For instance, how would you feel if I sit like this?” she inquires, reclining on the sofa with her legs spread and arms placed akimbo. Without needing to articulate my thoughts, I instinctively lean away and fold my arms, conveying that I find her pose disrespectful.
Fortunately, my body language aligns with her expectations. She sees me as open, approachable, and friendly. However, during discussions of certain topics (like a husband’s workaholism), Kuhnke points out tension lines visible on my forehead and around my mouth, which is a bit embarrassing.
“I can gauge the dynamics of people’s relationships just by observing how they behave physically when they talk about one another,” she explains while I hurriedly adjust my expression, striving to keep more personal details under wraps.
Kuhnke’s fascination with body language originates from a challenging childhood. “I experienced my parents’ separation at a young age,” she shares. “I began to recognize that what people communicated verbally might not reflect their true feelings.”
Her mother’s struggle with schizophrenia also played a significant role. “Her body language communicated a great deal about her emotional state,” Kuhnke remarks. “Individuals with mental health issues often express their inner turmoil through clear physical actions.”
Afterward, Kuhnke pursued acting, which eventually led her to a role in the U.S. TV show Guiding Light.
She discovered that the bold, expressive movements that resonated in the U.S. came across as overly aggressive in Australia.
“I came off too strong,” she confesses. “In the U.S., my gestures were grand because of my environment. If you didn’t keep pace in New York, you risked being left behind. However, here, people reacted with defensiveness. I learned to exhibit more restraint, becoming less overt in my physical interactions.”
Driven by her insights, she chose to transform her knowledge into a career, now coaching individuals in the business sector.
“I frequently work with young women who are so subdued that they fail to leave a mark,” she states. “Women often diminish their presence. We tend to cross our legs when sitting, making ourselves appear smaller, while men typically occupy more space with their legs spread wide.”
“Often, younger women enter meetings clutching items like books or notepads against their chests. It serves as a protective measure but projects an image of a subordinate rather than that of an executive. You wouldn’t catch a man doing that.”
Effective body language remains crucial for everyone, not just those pursuing high ambitions. Whether your goal is to deter someone from cutting in line, persuade a traffic warden to revoke a ticket, or attract the attention of an appealing stranger, yourbody language can significantly impact interactions.
EYES
‘The eyes are the windows to the soul. While it is a common saying, it holds true,’ Kuhnke explains. Many non-verbal signals conveyed through your 
eyes are often involuntary. For instance, your pupils may dilate when you encounter someone or something you find appealing.
Nonetheless, there are still techniques you can intentionally practice. To foster rapport, Kuhnke suggests maintaining eye contact between 60 to 70 percent of the time. Famous for this, Bill Clinton often allows his gaze to leisurely wander over the other person’s eyes and face while speaking, creating a feeling that they are the sole focus of his attention.
EXPRESS YOURSELF
Our facial muscles can create over 250,000 different expressions, while our hands can perform 5,000 gestures.
Other political figures also skillfully utilize their eyes to convey positive messages.
‘It was clear that Julia Gillard had been trained to gaze upward and to the right — referred to as the “position of vision” — with a hopeful expression during the General Election leadership debates,’ notes Kuhnke.
On the other hand, you can also use your eyes to project intimidation. One method of doing this is by intentionally avoiding eye contact.
If you find yourself in a group and experiencing bullying, allow your gaze to move slowly from one individual to another without blinking. Begin with your eyes, letting your head follow while keeping your torso stationary. Picture Arnold Schwarzenegger in The Terminator.
ARMS
Exposing your arms conveys a self-assured, positive demeanor, as stated by Kuhnke. Conversely, crossing your arms signals a defensive and unwelcoming attitude.
If your goal is to persuade someone with their arms crossed, consider giving them something to occupy their hands, prompting them to uncross their arms. This can help foster a more receptive attitude and increase your chances of swaying their opinion.
When meeting a new group, showcase confidence by not folding your arms. Instead, position your arms at your sides or adopt a ‘power position’, with one hand resting over the other at waist height.
At a social gathering and feeling uncertain? Keep your glass in front of you with both hands, creating a subtle shield.
HANDS
The nature of your handshake reflects much about you. A handshake resembling a wet fish may convey aloofness, though it might be interpreted as femininity in women. Some men employ an overly forceful grip, which may be seen as a sign of insecurity.
A strong handshake is ideal. If your intention is to assert dominance, literally angle your hand slightly downward during the handshake.
What if someone gives you a powerful shake and you wish to regain control? Position your left hand atop their right hand for a double-handed shake. This allows you to firm up the handshake while subtly reasserting control.
Politicians are skilled at this maneuver, according to Kuhnke. ‘It’s common for one party to position their hand on top during a handshake, and for the other to respond by placing their left hand atop the first. Both parties are vying for dominance.’
STANCE
Our stance reflects our perceived status. To be seen as authoritative and in charge, maintain a slight distance between your legs. Taller individuals often garner respect solely due to their height, but many choose to slouch, which undermines their stature and authority.
Individuals of shorter stature must project an impression of height. ‘French President Nicolas Sarkozy, though not tall, possesses a commanding presence, walking with clenched fists and a tight mouth to convey power,’ notes Kuhnke.
The straddle stance, featuring legs apart and hands on hips, is typically associated with male behavior.
Women often adopt the scissor stance, crossing their legs, which communicates negative messages such as submission, insecurity, and immobility. So remember to uncross those legs!
by Susan Floyd
