I acknowledge it sounds unbelievable, but research indicates that long-term social isolation can be as harmful as a daily habit of 15 cigarettes or struggling with alcoholism.
Research has also shown that individuals with weak social connections face a heightened risk of conditions such as dementia and high blood pressure. Moreover, it appears that the genes responsible for combating serious viral infections are less active among the lonely compared to the general population, with loneliness potentially leading to cancer or heart disease.
According to psychologist John Cacioppo from Chicago, who has extensively studied this issue, ‘Experiencing feelings of isolation and lack of affection can complicate sleep patterns and accelerate the decline of cognitive functions. As time affects the body, loneliness tends to exacerbate that decline.’
His findings indicate that loneliness elevates stress hormones like cortisol and may increase blood pressure to levels that can lead to heart attacks and strokes.
‘We are increasingly experiencing isolation…partly due to aging, and because we tend to marry later and procreate less. This results in fewer confidants and rising levels of loneliness,’ he explains.
While this information is concerning, it is particularly grim for those who are impacted. The NHS appears to prioritize smokers…with efforts more focused on preventing them from smoking and subsequently developing health complications that will burden healthcare resources.
In contrast, the isolated individuals receive less attention. There’s no patch, inhaler, or gum available to ease feelings of loneliness. If one wishes to enhance their social interactions, it must be done independently.
For adults, this challenge can prove daunting. Most friendships are formed during younger years—at school, university, or early career stages.
In those settings, everyone finds themselves in new environments, eager to make connections, leading to friendships that often last throughout adulthood. However, as we age, our social circles tend to diminish—through loss, caring for elderly parents, acquaintances relocating, retiring, or partners being confined to home.
Statistics show that although divorce rates may be decreasing overall, they are, in fact, rising among older demographics, particularly among individuals over 60.
Moreover, these statistics do not account for couples who cohabit yet lead separate lives—a situation I, as a psychotherapist specializing in relationship counseling, have found to be more widespread than many acknowledge.
Consider Wendy (not her real name), a friend of mine, a medical professional in her 60s who separated from her husband five years ago. Their marriage began in their twenties, and now, their three children have grown up, each with their own families. Living alone, she confided in me about her profound loneliness.
‘I’ve devoted my life to caring for my husband and children, which was a full-time job alongside my career, but now they don’t depend on me anymore,’ she shared during our initial session.
‘Though I have friends, they seem preoccupied with their partners.
‘There are times I might spend entire weekends speaking only to the cashier at Waitrose and the gentleman at the dry cleaners. The thought of retirement frightens me. What will happen to me?’
It’s understandable to feel sympathy for Wendy, yet she wasn’t actively seeking to change her situation.
Forming new friendships as an adult presents a significant hurdle, particularly since others appear to have established, tightly-knit social networks.
They have individuals to share coffee with orGoing to a concert on a Friday night can be an exhilarating experience. As adults, unlike children, we often hesitate to approach strangers to initiate play or conversation. Interestingly, those who form friendships effortlessly tend to be the ones who take that leap.
Fortunately, there are straightforward strategies you can implement to enhance your sociability. From personal experience, I can attest that these methods are effective. Start by making yourself more approachable.
A fundamental aspect of our nature is our reaction to a friendly, smiling face. It may seem odd, but try greeting people you encounter on the train, in the office, or even in your neighborhood. If you see them often, perhaps the next time you could ask how they’ve been.
You might find that some people are warm and eager to chat, while others may not respond in kind. If the latter occurs, it’s not a significant setback. Next on the list is to place yourself in environments where new people are bound to appear. Volunteering, for instance, can offer fantastic avenues to cultivate new friendships.
A number of my clients have enriched their social circles through engagement in environmental initiatives, mentoring activities, or participating in fun runs.
Additionally, consider reconnecting with individuals you miss from your past. In our modern age, thanks to technology, this process is easier than ever. I have revived two friendships simply through a quick search online. It’s astonishing how many individuals, both men and women, maintain an online presence tied to their careers or hobbies.
Naturally, this approach could lead to some letdowns as not everyone will be interested in rekindling old friendships. However, it’s all part of the process. Also, tap into the organizations you’re already part of to forge new connections. Perhaps you are a member of a gym or tennis club, yet rarely visit, or you belong to a professional association but never participate in its social gatherings. Make better use of such networks and try mingling with fellow members and engaging with those you haven’t met before.
Identify a club that aligns with your interests. Whether it’s a book club, hiking group, amateur drama society, cake decorating class, or language course, there are plenty of opportunities to meet new people. One client shared her experience of joining a choir.
“Singing is a joyous activity,” she told me. “And it’s wonderful to be part of a beautiful sound that you couldn’t possibly create alone.”
The camaraderie that arises after engaging in energetic activities with others is palpable. As a result, I’ve made four new friends and improved my fitness along the way. While it might be unrealistic to seek a ‘best mate’, aim to cultivate a variety of friends to share experiences with.
You might enjoy discussing politics with one friend and visiting the theatre with another. If you neglect to maintain your circle of friends, there’s a risk of becoming one of those retirees whose only regular companion is the taxi driver taking them to their appointments.
That scenario is neither healthy nor fulfilling. I certainly do not wish to find myself in that position, and I imagine you feel the same.
by Susan Floyd
