There’s something incredibly appealing about flaws-and-all ‘average’…and despite society’s perception that they are looks-obsessed, critical creatures, men agree.
They really do like average women best.
Study after study shows while men pay lip service to being hung up on physical attractiveness, once they interact with a woman in real life, they’re far more swayed by personality than they profess to be.
A speed dating experiment (reported in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology) with 163 university students found ‘spark’ far outweighed looks for men and a subsequent study further confirmed feeling an emotional ‘connection’ won over ‘sexiness’.
I actually saw evidence of this at a party last week.
I was with the new boyfriend of a friend of mine, watching her chatting away to friends, looking positively gorgeous.
“How hot is your girlfriend!” I said to him, taking in the slim hips, long thick hair, pert breasts, confident aura.
She’s a kick-ass lawyer and workaholic but still manages to look amazing. I felt proud of her and sure he was feeling the same.
‘I wish everyone would stop telling me how hot she is,’ he responded heavily. ‘I don’t want to be with the hottest girl in the room. It’s not me. I just wanted the nice girl.’
Further investigation (three more beers and a bit of prodding) and he confessed her ‘hotness’ made him feel insecure. ‘I want someone to love me, not feel like every guy in the room is trying to take the person I love away from me.’
Turns out the things women believe make them more appealing to men – good looks, youth, being super confident, intelligent, body perfect…aren’t top of men’s wish list after all.
Having an OK figure that’s curvy, looking ‘nice’, appearing kind, listening, being trustworthy, laughing at his jokes and letting him look after you – these are the qualities men most frequently seek in long-term partners.
All that striving, all that dieting, all that denying ourselves, when we could have been scoffing cupcakes in the bath, all along. Chocolate anyone?
by Susan Floyd