Many married couples may have long suspected that a new survey will confirm their beliefs.
Arguing once a week might be the key to maintaining strong and happy relationships, as long as the disputes are not abusive.
A study conducted in India revealed that 44 percent of married couples feel that conflict ‘helps keep the lines of communication open.’
These findings align with research from Western nations indicating that fighting and addressing issues constructively is less stressful than suppressing emotions.
William Doherty, a professor in the University of Minnesota’s Department of Family Social Science, shared with StarTribune.com that it is crucial to understand that these findings do not promote fighting, nor do they overlook how arguing can lead to relationship deterioration.
Although some disagreements can be constructive and beneficial, not all arguments are alike—destructive, abusive, and hostile conflicts certainly do not contribute to healthy relationships.
‘The studies have demonstrated that it’s not primarily about whether couples experience anger, but rather how they manage it,’ he stated.
The warnings from the expert resonate with those from the Gottman Relationship Institute, which noted last year that harmful arguments are a quick route to a breakup.
‘The studies have demonstrated that it’s not primarily about whether couples experience anger, but rather how they manage it.’
Other experts view arguments as a favorable method to address issues instead of burying them and harboring resentment.
Bernie Slutsky, a marriage counselor in St. Louis Park, Minnesota, remarked to the newspaper: ‘At least they’re attempting to communicate with each other. Sometimes it’s a matter of, “You’re not listening to me, so I’ll raise my voice,” but we need to manage that.’
‘However, it’s still preferable to sitting in silence and avoiding each other. That is far more damaging.’
He suggests that arguing in front of children can be positive—provided that the disagreement is handled respectfully and couples illustrate to their children that they can move past issues swiftly and positively.
A healthy argument even has a strategy behind it.
‘According to Professor Doherty, a soft start-up is the ideal approach, as a harsh beginning—such as attacking or blaming—immediately places a partner on the defensive.’
by Susan Floyd
