The only long term male friends I have are either married, gay, or related to me.
Don’t get me wrong; over the years, I’ve had numerous male friends. However, while I’ve cultivated strong bonds with my closest female friends, I’ve never managed to maintain a best Straight Bloke Mate (SBM). There always seems to be something hindering that connection. As depicted with Ashton Kutcher and Natalie Portman in their film, No Strings Attached, that ‘something’ is often a kiss…and perhaps a bit more.
Take Mark, for example. We enjoyed an ideal boy/girl friendship. I shared stories about work and dating woes…until one night, in a drunken haze, we accidentally brushed lips during a hug goodbye. Before I could think of ‘When Harry Met Sally,’ we found ourselves snogging passionately.
For just a moment, I pondered if I had overlooked something significant. After all, we were both single and had great chemistry. Maybe he was ‘The One.’
But just ten seconds into it, I had to face the reality…he simply wasn’t the right match for me. So, I pulled away, making a grimace. Thankfully, Mark did the same.
We never brought it up again, but our friendship felt tarnished. It was as if I’d uncovered a hidden flaw in something once perfect—like discovering Justin Bieber might have a secret drug problem (which, by the way, might very well happen in a few years). What was once innocent had now been corrupted, and there was no returning to that state.
Especially after Mark started dating someone. Who could blame him? She brought all the benefits without the complications.
You’d think I would have learned a lesson from Mark. Did I? Not at all.
Next in line was Liam. He had a girlfriend, and I was in a relationship. What could possibly go wrong? Everything.
When I broke up with my boyfriend, Liam confessed he had feelings for me. I reminded him that I could never see him as more than a friend. He argued that if ‘we’d met five years ago’ and if he ‘had more hair’, we would ‘probably have hooked up’.
And that was the end for us. Well, not for my SBM encounters.
Then I became friends with Adam, a coworker. After my breakup, Adam was the first person I turned to. In the following weeks, he provided the perfect distraction…until we ended up in bed.
What started as a rebound kiss evolved into a relationship that lasted three and a half years. When we amicably split, we agreed to not let our history affect our friendship. So one morning, upon hearing the news of Steve Irwin’s death (a mutual obsession of ours), I immediately called Adam.
It was only when he comforted me that I noticed how sleepy he sounded. Essentially, I had called him at 07:30 am…and he was still in bed with his girlfriend, Molly. I mean, what kind of person cries over a man she’s never met at that hour?
It struck me then that Adam and I could never simply be ‘friends’. We would always be past lovers.
While some friends disagree with my viewpoint, those who do possess SBM’s acknowledge the challenges involved. New partners often feel insecure about the relationship…even if they can’t pinpoint exactly why.
When I started dating my new boyfriend, we clicked on our third night out, about 30 minutes after we had the ‘we’re just going to be friends’ conversation.
I rest my case.
by Susan Floyd
