The questions listed here are undoubtedly among the hardest inquiries a woman can pose to a man.
Here are the questions:
1. What are you thinking about?
2. Do you love me?
3. Do I look fat?
4. Do you think she is prettier than me?
5. What would you do if I died?
What makes these inquiries so challenging is the certainty that a wrong answer (i.e., telling the truth) will likely lead to a significant argument. Thus, to assist, we’ve broken down each question below with suggested responses.
Question #1: What are you thinking about?
An ideal response would be: “I apologize for my deep thoughts, my dear. I was merely contemplating how warm, wonderful, thoughtful, caring, and intelligent you are, and how fortunate I feel to have encountered you.”
This response, however, is far from what the honest answer probably is, which could be one of the following:
– Baseball.
– Football.
– Your weight.
– Her beauty in comparison to yours.
– Planning how I would use the insurance payout if you passed away.
(A memorable response to this question came from Al Bundy, who once remarked to Peg, “If I wanted you to know what I was thinking, I would be talking to you!”)
Question #2: Do you love me?
The correct answer is simply: “YES!” Alternatively, a slightly more elaborate response might be, “Yes, dear.”
Responses that are inappropriate include:
– I suppose so.
– Would saying yes make you feel better?
– What do you mean by ‘love’?
– Does it really matter?
– Who, me?
Question #3: Do I look fat?
The right answer here is a resolute: “Of course not!”
Among the less appropriate responses are:
– Compared to what?
– I wouldn’t label you as fat, but you’re not exactly slim.
– A little extra weight suits you.
– I’ve seen fatter.
– Could you repeat that? I was just thinking about how I’d use the insurance payout if you passed away.
Question #4: Do you think she’s prettier than me?
Once again, the proper response is a firm: “Of course not!”
Inappropriate responses could include:
– Yes, but your personality is better.
– She’s not prettier, just slimmer.
– Not as attractive as you were at her age.
– What do you mean by ‘pretty’?
– Could you say that again? I was just considering how I would use the insurance money if you died.
Question #5: What would you do if I died?
This question is a clear no-win scenario. (The true answer, of course, is “Buy a Porsche.”)
Regardless of your answer, brace yourself for at least an hour of probing follow-up questions, often going something like this:
She: Would you marry again?
He: Definitely not!
She: Why not – don’t you enjoy being married?
He: Of course I do.
She: Then why wouldn’t you remarry?
He: Alright, I’d get married again.
She: You would? (With a hurt look)
He: Yes, I would.
She: Would you sleep with her in our bed?
He: Where else would we sleep?
She: Would you replace my pictures with hers?
He: That seems like the right thing to do.
She: And would you let her use my golf clubs?
He: She can’t, she’s left-handed.
by Susan Floyd