Do you feel tense just when your boss (or partner) walks into the room?
Up until six months ago, Julie Hall was enthusiastic about her job. Having spent three years at the firm, she enjoyed good relationships with her coworkers and embraced the challenges of her busy HR role. The arrival of a new manager, however, changed everything.
“Initially, she appeared pleasant, albeit a bit high-strung, which I attributed to nerves from starting a new position,” recalls Julie, 38, from Wimbledon, UK.
“As time went by, it became evident that she could easily be stressed by even the smallest things. When she’s upset – which happens frequently – she mutters and curses loudly under her breath. It’s incredibly distracting, and if you try to offer assistance, she responds defensively.
“I typically get along well with everyone and am naturally easy-going, but being in her presence has become challenging. I feel my body tense up physically. The mumbling makes it tough to concentrate, causing me to feel stressed and fall behind, which is a stark contrast to how I used to manage my workload.
“I leave work feeling nearly as uptight as she does and dread returning the next day. My coworkers share similar feelings. She talks to them in an aggressive manner, and relaxation is impossible since we are always anticipating when she’ll lash out at us.
“It’s as if her stress permeates the entire office. Within five minutes of her walking in, the atmosphere becomes charged.”
Could it be possible that Julie’s manager’s stress is ‘contagious’? Research appears to affirm this idea, suggesting that stress can spread similar to a common cold, enabling us to ‘catch’ the anxieties of those around us.
If you find yourself next to a constantly complaining colleague who melts down over trivial matters or spends their day whining, you might end up with more than just an earful — you might experience ‘second-hand stress’.
Psychologist Professor Elaine Hatfield notes that ‘passive’ or second-hand stress can rapidly pervade workplace dynamics.
“We can indeed absorb the anxiety, depression, or stress of others. We start feeling the same emotions they are experiencing,” explains Professor Hatfield.
Her research indicated that we act like sponges, soaking in the emotions of those around us — whether positive or negative — a phenomenon referred to as ‘emotional contagion’.
Partially, we adopt a colleague’s stress to empathize with them. However, the misery poured into our ears can begin to impact us, making us fixate on our own problems more than we typically would.
Additionally, we may subconsciously mimic the body language of someone who is stressed — such as hunching our shoulders or furrowing our brows while interacting with them.
“I have to constantly remind myself to relax my shoulders,” admits Julie. “By the end of the day, they’re up near my ears. The whole situation feels out of control. I can’t manage her stress for her, and since she’s my boss, I’m afraid to approach her about it.”
“I find myself worrying about work in ways I never did before, and it’s infiltrating my personal life. I dread the office, struggle to sleep, and feel more anxious than I ever have.”
Julie’s experience isn’t isolated. Stress has become the leading cause for employees requiring long-term sick leave, surpassing conditions like stroke, heart attack, cancer, and back issues.
According to Dr. Andrew Parker, a consultant psychiatrist at Capio Nightingale Hospital in Marylebone, London, stress has proliferated to such an extent that his hospital is launching a dedicated clinic for stress and post-traumatic stress disorder.
“The current atmosphere in many offices feels quite bleak due to redundancies and increased workload, which is taking a toll on people,” Dr. Parker notes.Many professionals, particularly those in senior positions, experience stress-related conditions. They may encounter challenges such as difficulty sleeping, waking up at 3 AM without feeling refreshed, low motivation, procrastination, or indecision.
While stress frequently has identifiable triggers — like impending redundancies, increased workloads, or poor sales figures — it can also be intensified simply by being in the presence of other stressed individuals, he notes.
“Stress from others will inevitably impact us all. Our ability to perceive the emotional states of those around us is ingrained in our natural empathy. Cues such as body language, facial expressions, tone of voice, and spoken words all signal stress. This happens instinctively, though some individuals may be more attuned to the feelings of others,” he states.
Professor Hatfield adds that women are significantly more likely to “catch” stress. “Women are more susceptible because they often have heightened awareness of others’ emotions,” she states.
Moreover, it’s not solely confined to the workplace; we can easily absorb the concerns of friends too. The latest financial crisis or natural disaster broadcasted in the news can also trigger our stress. For instance, a friend of mine, Pat, hasn’t tuned into the news for over a year.
“I became increasingly anxious as I constantly heard about job losses, market downturns, or natural disasters. My circumstances hadn’t changed — my job remained secure, and my house wasn’t about to be washed away — but the sense of impending doom was ever-present. I would wake up in the dead of night, convinced of job loss. So, I made the choice to stop exposing myself to negative news on television or the radio,” she explains.
“It’s been transformative. I genuinely believe that worrying is contagious, and we can all drag each other down if we aren’t cautious.”
Dr. Parker echoes a similar sentiment: “I stopped listening to Radio 4 quite some time ago. Starting my day with John Humphrys delivering bleak news wasn’t a great choice.”
There are numerous small actions you can take to lower your chances of “catching” stress, according to Dr. Parker.
“Just as we can boost our immunity against colds and flu, we can enhance our resistance to stress,” he says.
To begin with, he suggests distinguishing between your stress and that of others.
“If you find yourself with a stressed individual, recognize the situation but avoid impulsive reactions. Take a mental step back, breathe, and cultivate a mindset that prevents you from absorbing their stress,” he advises.
“Sometimes it helps to physically remove yourself from the situation — whether it’s stepping out for a tea, gazing out the window, or taking a walk around the block. I recommend these ‘micro-breaks’ throughout the day.”
But shouldn’t we strive to assist our friends and coworkers when they feel overwhelmed?
Only up to a certain point, insists Professor Cary Cooper, a workplace stress expert at Lancaster University.
“We should support friends or colleagues in distress,” Professor Cooper notes. “However, many people just want to express their feelings without pursuing solutions. It’s wise to distance yourself from such situations to avoid absorbing their negativity.”
What actions should we take if it appears the entire office is losing composure, rather than just one disgruntled individual in the corner?
“Frequently, workplaces foster a culture where individuals feel compelled to seem stressed to convey busyness — this leads to unnecessary frantic behavior. Resist being drawn into such a mindset.
“When colleagues are venting, either step away or offer a positive remark about the situation — often things appear less dire when viewed in perspective.
“Positivity is also contagious. Highlight the positives happening at work. Discuss personal matters — like your weekend plans, for instance.”
That’s sound advice — but what should you do if you find yourself the source of stress?
Last year, I crossed paths with a former colleague from my initial job post-college. It was a sales position in recruitment for which I was ill-suited, leading to perpetual anxiety.
“I used to have to take walks around the pond behind the office because I was so stressed,” I confessed to my former colleague.
“I recall being around you was so stressful I felt like jumping into that pond!” she quipped. Her laughter carried a truth that stung. It became clear to me that my stress impacted those around me.
“A bit of self-awareness and effective communication is essential,” Dr. Parker notes. “Inform others of your pressure and allow them to assist you. That way, instead of becoming a toxic spread like a virus, stress can be transformed into a positive force.”
