Once known as the audacious, domineering queen of comedy who built her career on rudeness, one might wonder who would dare to share a stage with Ruby Wax.
Ruby Wax: Losing It, the U.S. star’s latest production, chronicles the comedienne’s journey to confront and manage her bipolar disorder. Originally intended as a serious exploration, Ruby asserts that the humor in this script is unparalleled among her previous works.
Indeed, Losing It offers not only a candid examination of her mental illness but also a reflection on the superficiality of celebrity culture, detailing her career, marriage, motherhood, and ultimately the daunting question of what lies ahead.
Her struggle with illness stems from a chemical imbalance in her brain, a condition she has battled since childhood, but it wasn’t until after five months of postpartum depression following the birth of her youngest child, Marina—now 17—that she received her diagnosis.
This narrative is deeply personal; however, Ruby takes the stage alongside her close friend, singer-songwriter Judith Owen, creating a remarkable partnership that could have easily devolved into disaster. Both have been romantically linked to the same man, whom they still hold affections for, while Judith too wrestles with severe depression.
Seven months post Ruby’s latest breakdown in 2008, she reached out to Owen to express her desire to craft a stage production about her experiences with mental illness. Owen reflected, ‘Ruby penned the script while I composed the music and lyrics. On stage, we embody a seamless entwining.’
Their unity is crucial, as both women share a deep-seated fear of being disliked or ostracized for addressing the taboo nature of mental health.
Their performances have seen tremendous success, engaging audiences in all 12 branches of The Priory and numerous psychiatric wards. They are now poised to share their story with the public on a national tour. In a recent Q&A session, Owen candidly spoke about mental illness. ‘I dreaded others seeing my depression, fearing it would reveal how unattractive I felt,’ she admitted.
Her battle with depression commenced at the age of 15 when her mother, Millicent, took her own life. This tragedy served as a catalyst for an illness that would leave her in a daze throughout much of the Nineties. ‘I could be performing at Ronnie Scott’s Jazz Club in London, but once I returned home, tears would flow, exhausting me to the point of sleep after a day of feigning normalcy,’ she reminisced.
‘My mother was remarkable, yet she struggled with clinical depression and anxiety that rendered her bedridden for long periods. During such times, sleep feels like a refuge when grappling with mental health issues.’
Judith’s mother went to great lengths to shield her and their family from witnessing her death, stating, ‘However, it fueled my determination to avoid a similar fate. Ultimately, the illness consumed her; she was just 47. I perform this show in her memory.’
For Owen, music became a source of healing, particularly influenced by her father, Handel Owen, an opera singer from Wales. ‘Every weekend, my sister and I would attend his performances at the Royal Opera House in London. His melodies sustained me through many dark moments.’
In 1993, at the age of 41, Owen encountered American Harry Shearer, famously known as Derek Smalls of Spinal Tap and the voice behind Mr. Burns on The Simpsons. She relocated to California to join him, marrying him just two months later. ‘I truly believed that Harry represented my best chance at recovery. Our meeting occurred after he attended my performance in a London venue.
‘Following the show, he invited me out for a drink and shared, “I’ve recently broken up with my girlfriend, who also battled depression as a singer-songwriter.” At that moment, I naively responded, “Oh really? That’s not something I’ve ever struggled with.” I can’t…I believe I mentioned to him while thinking, “I’m an Olympian in this area.”
When Shearer, now 67, sent Owen a flight ticket via FedEx to join him in New York, her depression was so debilitating that she mistook the receipt on the package’s exterior for the airline ticket, resulting in her being turned away at the check-in desk. “When I finally arrived at his hotel, I didn’t recognize him because he had shaved his head. I fell onto the bed and wept.”
Did Shearer notice any warning signs at this time? “I would propose marriage one moment and then smash crockery the next, so he had to have sensed something was amiss.
After we got married, he understood the full scope of my illness. I realized I couldn’t have asked for a more loving and supportive husband.”
Shearer had also formed a close friendship with Wax when they met in England during the Eighties. “Harry loves Ruby; they are practically siblings.”
However, this friendship did not carry over when Owen and Wax, 57, met. “Harry and I went to Ruby’s house, where he introduced me to her as his friend. I was a huge fan of Ruby, but standing in front of her filled me with insecurity and self-loathing. Ruby felt the same way, so we both donned our armor to conceal our crippling illness.”
It wasn’t until a few years later, when Wax and Owen were on a private jet returning from a party, that they formed a bond.
“Ruby and I were seated next to each other. We had to drop off Eurythmics star Dave Stewart in Nice, where the runway is next to the sea. Ruby became hysterical, gripping my arm so tightly that all the blood drained from my hand while she screamed: ‘My children, my children.’
“I also fear flying, but her panic distracted me, so, to calm her, I shared my experience with depression. Apparently, that’s the worst thing to do for someone suffering from manic depression. But I couldn’t come up with anything else to say.”
Once the plane landed safely, the two became close friends. “Ruby said: ‘You’re amazing. I can finally see who you truly are. Not everyone would handle things well, given me and Harry.’ I replied: ‘Why would I have an issue with you and Harry being friends?’ She responded: ‘Some women are odd when you’ve slept with their husband.’
“I was taken aback. I had no clue they had dated. It wasn’t a long-term relationship—about six months—but there was sex involved. Then I laughed, realizing Harry had chosen not to tell me out of fear that I would go crazy. I don’t blame him. When I felt guilty for lying to Harry about my depression, I reminded myself of his lie about Ruby merely being a friend.
“In the show, you witness a comedic Ruby, a serious Ruby, and a vulnerable Ruby. We’ve had audience members confess to their families about suffering from depression. So, while Ruby and I are apprehensive about revealing our souls, we understand we are not alone.”
by Robbo Green
