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Emily Hartridge thinks penises are awsome

In a hilarious YouTube video, Presenter Emily Hartridge discusses penises.

She introduces a new male assistant to perform role-plays that illustrate her points.

Emily starts by mentioning her illness: ‘I don’t mean to spoil Christmas or New Year’s, but I’m quite sick… really sick. However, my love for the show keeps me going.

‘As is customary with this show, I strive to balance gender perspectives when possible. Last week, we celebrated why *boobs* are fantastic. This week, I’ll be covering big Italian salami, Russell the love muscle, hot dog, joystick, chopper, ding-dong, winky, and schlong.

‘This week, I’m diving into the topic of penises.’

Emily clarifies that she can’t display actual penises, as that would make her ‘a porn star. Not that I am one, despite what some of you might think. Instead, I’ll be using my banana stress toy as a prop whenever needed.’

She then reveals her floppy yellow prop to the audience.

The 28-year-old host’s first reason for finding penises awesome is their ability to allow men to pee standing up anywhere.

This point is demonstrated with a montage of her male assistant ‘peeing’ against a wall, in the road between two cars, and even while walking.

Emily, seemingly behind the camera, strolls by and remarks: ‘You’re disgusting!’

Back in her bedroom, she shares the challenges women face when trying to pee in public.

‘Do you have any idea how many times I’ve gotten urine on my shoes while trying to wee outside? Far more often than I’d care to admit! Or did I just admit that…?

‘All I can say is, you try squatting to pee and not getting wee all over this area (gestures around shoe area). It’s incredibly difficult.’

Emily’s second, and perhaps more controversial, reason for the awesomeness of penises is that they are ‘something to put in a girl’s mouth if she’s talking a bit too much’. Her third reason is that penises serve as ‘a delivery mechanism for an anti-depressant’.

She continues by stating she is ‘pretty convinced that men invented the idea of semen being beneficial for women’s health and a natural antidepressant.’

Her fourth point highlights that ‘men are much easier to please in bed,’ suggesting there’s ‘just a lot more complexity for women, making it a much tougher job.’

She humorously illustrates this by pretending to give her assistant (very quick) oral sex, while when it’s his turn to reciprocate, he takes much longer and achieves nothing but boredom for Emily.

Emily’s fifth point is that penises provide a ‘pretty easy way to show interest’, and her sixth point states they are ‘something to fiddle with when you’re bored.’

Her seventh reason is that a penis acts as a personal alarm clock; eighth, they assist in baby-making; and ninth, they can be quite useful during a job interview.

Finally, she asserts that they ‘dominate the bedroom.’

She definitely seems like the girl for me.

by Harry Harper

 

 

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