Dear Lily – Should I go out with him?


Dear Lily,

There’s a man at work who has expressed an interest in going out with me, but I am not sure what to do. The main problem is that he is a bit of a loner and, if I am honest, a little weird. It’s not that I’m obsessed with appearances, but he wears very thick glasses, has a greasy comb-over and a nervous twitch which involves him licking his lips frequently. I’ve also noticed he carries a bread knife and a roll of duct tape about in a carrier bag wherever he goes. I might be being overly suspicious, but something is preventing me from going out with him. However, aside from these minor things he seems to be a really sweet man and I feel a bit sorry for him. Should I accept his advances?

Lily says – Based on personal experience, I’d advise against going out with this unfortunate gentleman simply because you pity him. I once invited Sharon Eccles to my birthday party because I felt sorry for her, even though she had previously infected the entire class with nits and puked all over my best friend on a school trip to the museum.

This wasn’t a decision to be taken lightly; my mummy said I was only allowed to invite 10 of my little friends, and there are more than 30 people in my class. However, I invited Sharon because everyone picks on her for being a loser and it seemed to be the right thing to do. Plus I was hoping that she’d be so grateful for receiving an invitation that she’d bring me a brilliant present. However, I swiftly found out my act of altruism was severely mistaken. No sooner had Sharon arrived at my party than she scoffed all the wotsits, burst a number of balloons, and done something dirty in the paddling pool. Worst of all, she cheated at pass-the-parcel by holding on to it for longer than she should have so that every time the music stopped she was the only one who got to tear off another layer of pretty paper. She turned out to be the biggest party pooper ever, and it made me realise that people don’t like losers for a reason.

The sooner you can accept that, the less likely it is that your daddy will have to spend most of your birthday trying to fish a turd out of the paddling pool with a plastic tennis racket.

Hope that helps!


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