Dear Lily,
Recently, my girlfriend inquired whether I would engage in dirty talk during our intimate moments, as she believes it would be a significant turn-on for her. I find myself quite shy and feel a wave of embarrassment at the thought; silence is what I would prefer. However, she is quite adamant about it. I was thinking of possibly starting with something like ‘I’m going to rub dog dirt all over your fat tits’ and perhaps transitioning into ‘your farts smell worse than a decomposing corpse, you elderly whore of Satan’. Does that seem appropriate?
Lily says – My teacher has informed us that using vulgar language is very naughty, and it requires intelligence to articulate oneself without resorting to swearing. Sadly, one of my classmates lacked the necessary intelligence and decided to scrawl ‘hairy vaj licker’ in enormous letters across the blackboard while we were outside enjoying recess the other day. Because of this anonymous vandal, our whole class was prohibited from going to Water World. Instead, we had to spend the entire day ‘appreciating the beauty of the English language,’ which was meant to serve as a lesson against such abuses. Reflecting on this incident, I strongly suggest you steer clear of dirty talk, even if your girlfriend seems eager. In the end, it will be you who feels the regret when you find yourself spending a whole afternoon working on ‘the palindrome challenge’ when you’d much prefer to be enjoying a hydroslide.
Hope that helps!
