Dear Lily,
Terrible flatulence is something my girlfriend suffers from. One would assume that a young lady would possess the common courtesy to hold it in, but she appears to be far too comfortable and even finds amusement in shoving my head under the covers while exclaiming ‘smell the beef’ each time she lets one rip in bed. Lately, my thoughts are consumed with how to evade the next explosion from her massive winking anus. What can I do to encourage her to utilize her bottom for good rather than evil?
Lily says – I don’t think you should be overly concerned about your girlfriend’s trumpet bum, unless she’s prone to following through. If that happens, it’s wise to ensure that lost property has a sufficient supply of spare pants. Whenever someone in my class gets a bit too excited and has an accident, Mrs. Dodkins simply instructs everyone to calm down, and she fetches the janitor to handle the cleanup. Typically, he just needs to pull out the sawdust, but just the other day, a frightful incident occurred during our rendition of Pop goes the Weasel, when Serena Green had a mishap in the silent reading area. The janitor was not happy at all when he had to clean up the mess from Watership Down; fortunately, that book was on our reading list last term.
Hope that helps!
