Dear Lily,
Despite having refined my chat-up skills to perfection, I am facing immense difficulty in enticing women to sleep with me. Essentially, after subtly drawing a woman’s attention to my semi-erect manhood by gently rubbing it with a gloved hand while casting ‘come-to-bed’ glances, I proceed to let my tongue leisurely trace the contours of my lips, possibly letting a droplet of saliva alluringly trickle down my chin. I then begin to breathe deeply and heavily, resembling a sexually charged wild beast, all the while inching closer to my target. Regrettably, before I’m able to reach an appropriate distance, I often find myself ejected from the locations I frequent, landing in a frustrated heap by the roadside. Can you suggest ways for me to avoid being caught so that I might finally have the opportunity to seduce an unsuspecting maiden?
Lily says – In my school, we have a dedicated unit led by Mrs. Waddle for those students who allegedly require extra supervision due to what teachers label as ‘complex learning needs’. The children in Mrs. Waddle’s class are permitted only crayons for their art projects because they tend to consume poster paint and insert sharpened pencils in others’ ears. Additionally, they believe it is acceptable to stick their hands in their pants or call the headmaster a droopy horse cock during the morning assembly. If you happen to walk past Mrs. Waddle’s classroom, you might see someone standing on a table without trousers, holding a chair aloft while repeatedly shouting ‘fanny’, or even smearing something suspiciously brown on the window pane. It’s said that you’re not supposed to laugh at them, as it only encourages their absurd behavior, and if you spot one making a dash across the playground, you’re instructed to alert the teacher immediately. It seems you might also possess complex learning needs and could benefit from some time in the special unit. But don’t worry; there are plenty of girls there too, even if they might have unusually large foreheads and hairy knuckles, and believe it’s entirely acceptable to torment a guinea pig.
Hope that helps!
