Dear Lily – How can I get some attention?


Dear Lily,

I’m a naturally timid and shy person, and I find it hard to be noticed amongst louder, more confident people.  I’m sick of being the wallflower that everyone ignores, so I need some advice about how to be the centre of attention for a change.  I was thinking of having my breasts augmented to a preposterous size, dressing as a porn-star and talking like a gutter snipe.  What do you think?

Lily says – There’s a boy called Gregor at my school, who larks about in class and answers back to the teacher.  He’s always messing about, for example, by turning his eyelids inside out to scare the girls, doing massive loud farts during silent reading, or writing rude things like ‘spunk cannon’ and ‘gaping womble hole’ on the blackboard when the teacher isn’t looking.  Although these things are really funny, none of us is allowed to look or laugh at him because the teacher says it only encourages his juvenile behaviour.  Last week, when someone blocked the sinks in the boys toilets with loo roll and put jobby streaks on the mirrors, it was only a matter of time before Gregor was hauled out of class by his armpits.  Last time I saw him, he was rocking back and forth doing a 4-piece jigsaw in the corner of Mrs Keeble’s special class, where the kids have weird mullets, wear mittens inside and dribble all over the desks.  Being the centre of attention might be fun sometimes, but it can go horribly, horribly wrong if you’re not careful.

Hope that helps!


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