Dear Woosy,
I’ve been seeing a man for 6 months and I’m getting concerned that he may be gay.
He has a premature ejaculation problem – he can only be inside me for less than a minute before he comes. At first I thought this was the only obstacle in our sex life, but I became very uneasy and upset by it so told him I thought we should end things.
We didn’t end it – I kept wanting to see him. He’s such a charismatic and fun guy – I’m now kind of addicted to that and have over time become more and more attracted to him and fallen in love.
But in the last few months I’m frustrated that we never have sex – I mean hardly ever. I do my very best to be with him at key times and moments when I think we have a chance to make it happen. But he doesn’t show any interest or he shuts me out. He tells me that I knocked his confidence at the start when I said I couldn’t cope with his sexual problem. But I’m starting to feel its all a cover-up. I sensed from the start that kissing me is not something that he really gets into. Its very rushed and he doesn’t get into having a long kissing session or anything, which I find wierd. Sex at the start was mostly anal. That stopped – I don’t know why as I didn’t complain. The times he has gone down on me my gut feeling is he’s not really getting into it and enjoying it. I’m used to a lot of passion in my life in the past and am a very sexual creature. There seems little excitement from him. He has tried to make me come with his hand and he does it quite well but I feel it’s so predictable as there’s never any regular intercourse and I also feel under pressure that way to come, so I never come. He says he’s feelig helpless because he cant make me come. I told him it’s because I feel under pressure because we have sex almost never. I feel if you have sex more often together then you can take the highs with the lows. But if it’s a rare occasion it makes you feel you have to get it perfectly right.
My gut feeling is always telling me theres something not quite right. Things are not adding up. I’m an attractive woman of 39 but look much younger and there are often men flirting with me. I’m not used to being shut out on a physical level and I’m tired of waiting for passion that never comes. I’ve convinced myself he is gay.
Woosy says – He kind of sounds like he might have OCD. Maybe the PE thing is because he hates mess and wants to get it all over and done with as quickly as possible.
