Dear Woosy,
For the past 6 months, I’ve been dating a man, but I’m beginning to worry he might be gay.
His issue with premature ejaculation is concerning – he lasts less than a minute inside me before finishing. Initially, I thought this was our only problem in the bedroom, but my discomfort grew, and I suggested we should break up.
However, we didn’t call it quits – I wanted to keep seeing him. He’s incredibly charismatic and fun, and over time, I’ve found myself increasingly attracted to him and ultimately fell in love.
Yet in recent months, I’ve been frustrated that our sex life is nearly nonexistent. I make every effort to be available at pivotal moments, hoping we could connect, but he often shows little interest or shuts me out. He mentioned that I damaged his confidence early on when I expressed my inability to handle his sexual issue. Still, I can’t shake the feeling that it may be a facade. From the beginning, it felt like he wasn’t genuinely into kissing me. It seems rushed and lacks the intimacy of a longer kiss, which I find odd. Our initial sexual encounters were primarily focused on anal sex, but that suddenly stopped without explanation, despite my lack of complaints. Whenever he performs oral on me, I sense he’s not fully engaged or enjoying it. Having experienced a lot of passion in the past, I’m used to being very sexual. His disinterest is palpable. He has tried to pleasure me manually and does it decently, but I find it too predictable; the infrequency of regular intercourse makes me feel pressured to climax, which never happens. He expresses that he feels helpless since he can’t make me come. I explained that the pressure comes from how seldom we have sex. I believe that having sex regularly would allow us to navigate the ups and downs together. However, when it’s such a rare event, it creates an obligation to get it perfectly right.
Something in my gut tells me something is off. The pieces aren’t fitting together. At 39, I’m an attractive woman who appears younger, and I often attract male attention. It’s unfamiliar for me to be physically rejected, and I’m weary of waiting for a passion that never appears. I’ve started to convince myself he might be gay.
Woosy says – He seems like he might be dealing with OCD. The premature ejaculation could stem from a dislike of messes, causing him to rush through things to finish as quickly as possible.