Dear Woosy – I’m divorced, what now?

Dear Woosy,

My husband, ‘Terry’ and I seperated in early May of this year after fourteen years of marriage and our divorce was finalized last week. While I’m relieved that Terry and I are no longer married, I was with him for a good chunk of my life and I’m just not used to being alone. I’m only 34 and I feel like I’m at a crossroads in my life. How can I cope?

Woosy says – I suggest the first thing you do is throw yourself a ‘Divorce’ shower. Tie tin cans to the bumper of your car and write ‘Just Divorced’ on the back window in shoe polish. With the money you got from the divorce settlement go and celebrate your new-found freedom in style.

Invite all of your friends (including friends that both you and your ex-husband share) and party until you forget why you threw the party in the first place. Terry? Who’s that?

If your ex-husband crashes your bash, take this opportunity to provide the other party-goers with a bit of unscheduled entertainment. Chances are he’s going to be upset when he finds out how well you’re doing after the divorce and how you aren’t curled up in fetal position pining away for him. When he gets there tell him how much you’re enjoying life without him and wait for him to come unglued. This is the sort of unscripted entertainment that party goers enjoy most, aside from the strippers, that is.

You may be wondering what to do once the party has ended, but who says it has to? You were married all through your twenties, which is the decade when adults are supposed to experience life to it’s fullest. You’re 34 now, so you’ve got to make up for lost time.

Get a tattoo, get something pierced, get a job in the sex industry, do anything you couldn’t do when you were married. In short, get a life!!!


Join our mailing list to receive the latest news directly in your email inbox.