Dear Woosy,
At 16, I find myself grappling with confusion regarding my sexuality, albeit I’m not entirely certain. For several years, I’ve been heavily indulging in the ladies’ girdle section of my mum’s shopping catalogue. However, last week, while enthusiastically playing the pink oboe, my hurried page-turning led me to exhaust the ladies’ section, resulting in me ‘accidentally’ releasing my love porridge over a man sporting pale blue Y-fronts—yet, strangely, I did not feel unwell afterward. Moreover, I stumbled upon a claim recently suggesting that chafing triggers gayness, although it might also be the inverse. Regardless, I noticed a small red patch located at the top of my right leg. Should I identify as gay, or could it be that my trousers are simply too tight for cycling?
Woosy says – It’s commonly believed that many young men encounter a phase of uncertainty regarding their sexuality and may fear they could become demented perverts. Nonsense! The majority of young lads are entirely normal and healthy, with little to no inclination towards exploring the anatomy of other men. Yuck. In fact, even at your youthful age, a considerable number are adept lovers who know how to rekindle the desires of a divorced older woman who spent years whispering affirmations to the now, mercifully absent, Mr. Floppy. Determining if you are a sexual deviant shouldn’t be overly complicated. Have you ever attended a showing of the Wizard of Oz or the Sound of Music while donned in a dress? Do your wrists sag forward? Do you relish ball games? Are you fond of cock? Should you answer ‘yes’ to any of these queries, there’s a strong likelihood that you are indeed a degenerate sex fiend, or perhaps just a member of the local rugby team.